Life...or something like it

My Most Precious Belonging...

2012-01-26T01:47:00.000-05:00

As much as I don't want to admit it, my Mom was right. Yes, she is right more often than not, but in this particular case, I was rebellious. My Mom is a gift giver in her love language (Book: "The Five Love Languages"). It's her "thing." She's thoughtful, caring and always pays attention to what people want or need. I recall one instance where my Mom remembered me mentioning that I needed a sewing box and gave one to many several months later. One small mention that she remembered!

Old vs. New; Hardback vs. Leather-bound; Regular edges vs. Shiny edges!

Now, normally, I am a VERY gracious receiver when I accept a gift, but I got defensive when she gave me a new Bible (bilingual like my current one) for my birthday last year. My current Bible is my most treasured possession. "I don't need a new Bible," I told her. I never want to replace my current Bible! It's worn and tattered, but its got character. It's got the notes of nearly 13 years in it! It's my precious!

Falling apart...

The reason my Mom gave it to me was legit. I had had my Bible for a long time and it's full of notes. So much so that she thought I might be reading my notes more than the scriptures themselves. I don't really feel that way, but I understood her reasoning.

I wrote wherever I could! Significant things went in the back and front cover.

Let me tell you a little bit of history about my Bible. It's a bilingual Spanish/English NIV I got in June 1999 for a mission trip to Honduras. The first marks I ever made in it were with yellow crayon as I highlighted the Spanish for the story of Daniel in the Lion's Den for a puppet show on that very mission trip.

Yellow Crayon...

Slowly, but surely, I started keeping pretty much all my notes in it as I knew I'd actually review those notes again. I would gander to say that Dennis Conner is actually probably the name most mentioned next to my notes in there. There are notes from lessons/sermons of both men and women as well as significant points and references to other verses to cross-trend other similar topics. This was my first serious Bible!

White space? Note space!

Now for a couple stories. A few years later, again in Honduras, I had packed my Bible in with my clothes and toiletries in my suitcase. They put all the suitcases in the back of a pick up truck to transport several hours to Tegucigalpa (capital of Honduras). Mind you, they were considerate and covered them all with a tarp, but unbeknowst to me, my suitcase was definitely NOT waterproof and water leaked under the tarp soaking EVERYTHING in many of the bags, including mine. Did I care about my clothes? Nope. I was devastated to find my Bible SOAKED! I spent hours with a hair dryer in the hotel there in Tegucigalpa and as well as when I got back home, trying to dry it out. Once it dried out, I had to separate pages that were stuck together from the incident for many moons!

Watermarked!

I recall another story where I thought I had lost my Bible. I accidentally had left it at Carolina Bible Camp one summer after I had counseled a cabin. I only realized I had left it once I had made it all the way back to Raleigh. I called frantically hoping the next staff of people for the following week would find it. When they couldn't find it, I resigned myself to the belief that my precious, my Bible, had hopefully ended up in the hands of someone who not only needed the Bible, but would be blessed with the notes therein. I was still heartbroken though. A month later, I was attending the baby shower of a precious friend (Elizabeth Mills) and at the end of it, her Mom said that they had a Bible in their possession that belonged to someone in my family (the name inside had been "T. Stuart" and since there are 3 "T. Stuarts" in our family, they didn't know who it actually belonged to). I burst into tears. I was so happy and emotional! I immediately drove across town to pick it up and was so elated to have it back again. Needless to say, I added contact information inside to identify it as mine.

13 years!

My Bible has been all across the US, from NC to IN to KY to DC to VA to FL to AZ to TX! It has also been to Honduras five times, to Guatemala, and to England (multiple times). It has given me insight during one of the hardest and now one of the most victorious and growth-filled decades of my life. It truly is my precious and is going to be a hard one to put on a shelf for reference. I always said that if there was a fire, I'd grab myself, my pets, and my Bible.

Notes!

The binding is finally falling apart. The Bible itself is expanded outside the binding from the water damage. It is warped and there are brittle pages. There are bits and pieces of paper, bookmarks (bought and handmade), church updates/bulletins, and note sheets strewn/filed throughout its pages. There are notes in English, Spanish, Hebrew, and even Greek. There are sticky notes and church attendance cards that I wrote quotes on in it. There is tape on the pages I've accidentally ripped. There are tear-stained pages and dirt from being outside with me. I once found the body of a dead tick in it (lol and gross!)! Ink has bled and it's water stained and marked all over. I guess if it still looked new after 13 years, then that might be a bad sign that I'm not in the Word as I should be!

Bigger than the binding...

I feel like I'm stepping out of my comfort zone as I switch to my new (and nicer!) Bible. It's a new edition of my life, a new decade coming up for me (my 30s!). Ultimately, it is time. Time for new beginnings. Time for a new life. Afterall, God will make all things new in the end of all things. Why not start new again, now?

Jeremiah 29:11

My treasure... my precious... my Bible.

One of my fav chapters!

PS Thank you, Mom, for your thoughful gift and forgive me for not being as gracious as I should've been. Time for a new Bible cover too...

Oh! That's what the binding is supposed to be like! Gonna be weird getting used to a new Bible...

2012-01-17T13:38:00.001-05:00

I wrote this poem on the way down to FL this past Friday. I felt very inspired when we saw these two clouds in the sky. The sky was virtually clear of clouds, yet these were there. I feel that it was a message, and thus, I share my thoughts, my poem with you. Hope it may inspire you as it did I. The background is the actual picture taken of what we saw!

Being a dreamer...

2012-01-12T12:06:00.002-05:00

Ironically, I'd say I have been a dreamer all along in my life. But really, I didn't understand what being a dreamer entailed. It entails discovery, mindset, goals, and action. You can't be a true dreamer if you are lacking in one of those areas. Once you discover what your dreams are, you start to get your mind right to pursue your dream, you set your goals, and you take action.

I find that most people struggle, myself included, in all steps. It's about understanding those steps and becoming persistent and consistent in the journey.

In step two, it takes a lot to get your mind right. You need to grow yourself, your self-image and your positive mental attitude (PMA). If you aren't positive about your dreams, then how will you ever be motivated? You also need to have a sense of urgency. There is a difference between a want and a need. You've got to want your dream so bad, that you need it. Once it becomes a need, it becomes urgent and you start your pursuit by setting your goals (but not unachievable ones as to discourage your PMA-- small ones help move you towards your big goals). You also have to make the decision in the mindset step in order to start the pursuit of your dream. If you don't make a decision, nothing happens. Then, all of a sudden, you are 20 years down the line and no closer to your dream than the day you discovered it. Protect your mind and grow yourself, and ultimately people will be drawn to your emotional stability and your PMA.

In step four, the action towards pursuing your dreams, if you don't necessarily have the right mindset, you start checking results. I've seen this in weight loss. We get on the scale everyday at the gym and barely see any change or fluctuations up and down. Then we get discouraged and slow down our action. In fact, this is the exact opposite of what you should do in the action phase of your dream. You keep moving, and moving forward. The moment you slow down, you start to lose your momentum. The moment you look back to check your results, you start to slow down. Don't slow down! Remember your dreams are an urgent need once you have your mind right.

What if you are stuck in step one trying to figure out what your dream is? This step is imperative. The discovery phase of your dream takes exploration and some trial and error. I've seen this in my life. I'm not negative about the trial and error though because as I've gone down the paths of my life, every step and decision has shaped and molded me today and ultimately helped me discover my dream. There is nothing like finally discovering your dream, moving through all steps of being a dreamer, and realizing that you are fulfilling the deep-rooted purpose of your life.

I always like to look at the events of my life and try and pull the positive out them. It's hard to do, believe me. But as I've worked to get my mind right, I realized that in EVERY adversity there is a seed of equal or greater benefit. When everyone around me is telling me I can't do it, that's when I stick/stuck with it. When I hit plateaus in my weightloss journey, I learned to keep going.

I've also found that if you aren't facing adversity as a dreamer in pursuit of your dream, then you might be on the wrong path. Ultimately, when we fulfill our purpose in life, it is not what the enemy wants. The enemy will try and pull you away from your dreams, distract you, attack you, in ANY means possible. That's when you, as a dreamer, rebuke the enemy and you tell him he is a toothless lion with no authority or power over your dream. When our mindset is right, we realize this and must stick to our guns.

I'm excited about my dream if you can't tell. I'm excited to win with my friends, my family as I pursue my dreams. My purpose is not about me, ultimately. I understand who I am, and whose I am and am ready to share that with the world. I'm ready to make an impact.

It's not about the finish line, but it's about the journey.

Just IMAGINE what you can do as dreamer...

Over a Year Later (An Update to my Weightloss Journey)

2011-10-20T11:17:00.001-05:00

So, wow. It's been over a year since I posted about my weightloss journey (original note here) and here I sit, still healthy and fit. Yes! I overcame the curve of many people who lose weight. It is very typical that without help and radical change in one's life, weightloss can be temporary. I've seen it many times. I made a personal vow for that not to happen, and thus far have maintained my loss.

Does that mean I still work out, still eat healthy and still take some supplements to help? SURE! It may not be as much as when I was actively losing, but it doesn't take as much effort to maintain in my case.

So what is it like now for me? Do I still struggle with my self image? Yes, actually, I do sometimes. My self image is greatly improved though!!! I carry myself, nowadays, much better overall as a person! Have I fluctuated at all? Being transparent, yea, sure! Case-in-point, I had back/kidney stone issues back in April that cause a minor fluctuation (not much AT ALL), but getting back to normal routines has gotten me back to where I need to be!

Do people still get surprised? YES. It's sometimes weird for me that it was that dramatic and that there are still people who haven't seen me and will walk right by me without recognizing me. It happened the other day! I still get the same old question of, "How did you do it???" I also still encourage a lot of people in their journeys or help people get kick-started in theirs.

So how have my habits changed from when I was initially losing to now that I'm just maintaining?
*I still do my best to monitor portion sizes. In fact, practically every time I go to a sit down restaurant (with the exception being sushi), I box up half my food. I also stick to the menu items that indicate "Healthy and Fit" or give a Calorie count. I try to make my lunch instead of eat out. When I eat high carb meals, I'll take a Carb Blocker (just like when I was losing) to help out (doesn't give me permission to eat more carbs, but just to help block the ones I am eating). I still don't eat terribly a lot of sugars or sweets. Doesn't mean I don't treat myself occasionally! I rarely drink soda (ask me about "healthy" energy drinks though!). I drink A LOT of water (I add various flavors to them! Think "twist tube" supplements).

*I still work out. Wish I could tell you that you can stop exercising once you get healthy and fit, but you can't really for an active and healthy life. I'm not in the gym 5-7 times a week because of my busy schedule, but I'm in there regularly 3-5 times a week. I do a lot more running and a lot more weight training. I use Sports Nutrition products to help with endurance and recovery during/after my workouts (they make a TREMENDOUS difference). I run races. In fact, races give me short term goals to strive for. I'm always wanting to improve my times.

*I still take supplements. Nowadays, instead of the more targeted "weightloss" supplements, I take more of the preventative or muscle building (don't worry, I don't want to be the Hulk, just lean) type ones. I eat more protein and strive for more fulfilling foods. I take a multi-vitamin everyday that is good for my overall health (I rarely get sick).

*I set personal goals. One of my main ones is to run a half marathon and then a full marathon. I strive to encourage 1 person a day as best I can in their health/fitness goals. The biggest daily goal I have is to have a Positive Mental Attitude about all aspects of life (PMA). Did you know that just changing your attitude can help with your health? :) Start with small goals and you'll see that they are more achievable, but remember to set that long term goal as a reminder.

I'm sure some of you might be thinking, she's just trying to sell me something. SURE. I'm trying to get you to buy into your own life! I do "sell" things that can help jump-start your journey or help you just get healthier and more fit, but that's not really the point. The point is your health. I can't tell you how much losing weight has changed my whole life. My blood pressure is a healthy 102/60. I have a resting heart rate in the 50s. My iron levels (which I do supplement) are higher. I'm stronger, leaner, and I inspire myself on a daily basis (not to mention others have said they are inspired).

I did this for myself. I did it to prove to myself I could do it. I did it so I can live longer. I overcame what I could control. In that process, I became a better me in ALL aspects. And now I share it because this journey is for you, too. You can do it! Just give yourself a shot, and if I can do anything, and I mean ANYTHING, to help, just ask.

"Health is a choice, so choose wisely!" ~Dr. Chet Zelasko

Before (June 2007) -- After (October 2011)

Old Journal Entry from the Year 2000

2011-04-17T01:07:00.000-05:00

Wow... so tonight I read through a "sappy" love/life journal from 1998-2000 and the following is an entry from the start of the year in 2000. I thought it was powerful. In fact, I kinda exclaimed outloud, "Wow!"

I don't think it was written about any one person (not that I can remember), and it seems there are some possible religious references as well. So here goes:
***
I am...
I am but a pawn in this game of love.
Surrounded by pieces ready to take me; yet my goal to check the king is seemingly so far away.
The currents rip my heart apart, tearing my fragile soul to pieces.
Like a magnet, I am drawn to the opposite pole, the one who seemingly forces me to him.
How can this be?
He is the light, the sun I am drawn to when I am stuck in the darkness so full of loss and chaos amongst the others who search.
The everlasting candle when the others burn out and melt, leading my path in life.
When I can't go another step up the staircase called life, he picks me up and carries me like I am crippled.
But I am! Crippled by this thing called love; as its uncompassionate nature gauges voids in my already sore heart.
Love tortures my heart as it hangs from the gallows, teased and smitten by those who seemingly cared about it.
Can love so strong ever be felt by such a one for me?
I am pricked by love's beautiful rose as I pull it closer to my bossom.
Love is but a poison to the lips, not destroying, but negatively affecting.
Like a wolf in sheeps clothing, it waits to pounce and maul my heart.
I am addicted to love's security and the feeling of being wanted and cared for like a drug that will eventually, if taken in the long term without success may kill me.
Like a fly to fly paper, I don't know how to save myself, until I am pulled to safety from love's quicksand truly, madly, and deeply!
****
Did that not have you going WOW, too? I am trying to remember the anguish I must have been feeling at 17. Sometimes, I can still relate to these same thoughts I had back then. It's all apart of the journey though. I press on.

Me at 17 (Senior Prom)

Fitness Stats

2010-10-21T07:12:00.002-05:00

So, today I met with a personal trainer for a quick workout and body evaluation.

Good news!
Since mid July, I have dropped 7% body fat. I have 3% more that I want to lose to get to my target of 21% (which is very good for my height). I have a BMI around 23 (which is also good!).

I average between 9 and 10 minutes per mile. I was recommended to run about every day to get to my target body fat and to train. My target weight is a bit less than what I'm at, but I should easily hit it (we are talking between 3-8 pounds really from the upper to the lower range I want to fluctuate in) when I drop off the 5% body fat.

I have a goal to be able to run a marathon by spring next year. I'm still at a total loss of 75 pounds at my lowest weight, and if I were to lose all 8 pounds and be on the lower range of my target weight range (set by me personally), then that would be a total of 80 pounds lost since August of 2008. I definitely have a lot of muscle for my height so to maintain the lower range of my weight would be hard! It's already hard to be where I'm at with the amount of muscle I have (probably higher than average), to be frank!

I also wish I had measured myself (inch-wise) back in July because I can pretty much guarantee you I've cut a good number of inches off since July even though I've pretty much only maintained my weight since then (hey, I dropped a whole size in a month-- 2 numeric sizes!).

I have to say that while I workout on a normal basis about 4-5 times/week, I personally feel pretty good in shape UNTIL I workout with a trainer... lol.

Thank goodness I have good teeth and no fillings! haha.

What if

2010-09-15T15:22:00.000-05:00

Dear Claire,
‘What’ and ‘if’ are two words as non-threatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if?’…
I don’t know how your story ended.
But I know that if what you felt then was love – true love – then it’s never too late.
If it was true then it why wouldn’t it be true now?
You need only the courage to follow your heart…
I don’t know what a love like that feels like…
a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for…
but I’d like to believe if I ever felt it, I’d have the courage to seize it. I hope you had the courage to seize it, Claire. And if you didn’t, I hope one day that you will.
All my love,
Juliet
***********
The above is a letter written to Claire from Juliet's "secretary" in the movie "Letters to Juliet." There are so many things in there that I wish I could truly apply to my life sometimes. The thing that hit me the most in it was how she addressed the two words "What if."

Those two words haunt me sometimes. I know we shouldn't dwell on the past and how things have panned out in our lives because to be honest, how things have panned out in our lives is why we are at where we are at in our lives today. Though I do ponder those two words a lot.

What if... I think a lot can be applied with those two words when we make hasty decisions in our lives. Most of the time, hastiness never pays off. Sometimes, it seems like it pays off in the shortrun, but then longterm, hastiness proves to be unfulfilledness. What do I mean by that? The biggest decisions in life should NEVER be done in haste. The hardest part about that though is patience. Do I believe that patience pays off? Most definitely. When you do things right, I feel you will always live a fulfilled and happy life. Do I think that it will be smooth sailing? No way. That's just the nature of life.

I know for me, my aim is to make my story my own, and how people, relationships, love, fun, laughter, and even all the bad stuff play a role in it all become a part of that story. Yet, those two words do linger... "What if?" But then again, why does it always have to be associated with the past? I think we fail at realizing that those two words have significant meaning in our future as well. What if we decide to take this path or this road? What if we decide to walk side by side with this person or these people?

What if... Oh how those words can haunt our past but decidedly be so exciting for our future. The trouble I have is trying to focus on the "What ifs" of the future rather than the past. It seems like I always try and make these plans for my life based on the present here and now. Yet, when I do that, I have found it to never truly pan out the way I want it to or how I thought it was going to be. I guess that is also in the nature of how the people in our lives decide to deal with their "What ifs" as well.

It is so hard for me to just let go of my "plans" sometimes. I have had to let go, it seems, so many times! That's when I start dwelling on those "What if" moments in my past. What if that person hadn't decided to do that? What if I had never been there, done that? Ergh! I guess that's what makes faith so scary sometimes. It's the unknown "What if" of our future (not referring to faith of the Godly kind, since I feel like that is not so much unknown for me).

So where do the "What ifs" actually fit in our lives, or do they even fit at all? Yea, I do think they belong in our lives, but we shouldn't dwell on the past ones. Sure some of those "What ifs" may always have a place in your heart or mind. Nor should we dwell on the scariness of the future "What ifs" either.

I've started to kinda adopt the "go with the flow" attitude. Instead of trying to make things work for my future, I've just decided I want to see where it will go, or how it will pan out. I'm looking for the connections in my life that will truly lead some place. The connections that I felt like I saw in the movie "Letters to Juliet" make me hopeful too. So perhaps, the future "What ifs" should just bring hope into our lives rather than fear. I think that's all apart of the attitude of faith that our lives will go where they are meant to go.

This of course is not saying that you shouldn't prepare for your future, or sit around and do nothing. That accomplishes nothing. As they say, "Fail to plan, plan to fail." But in that, I think it's more meant in the attitude that you can't remain complacent in your life "hoping" that the "What ifs" will do everything for you. You still have to take the simple action of living your life. It's just sailing along with it as it goes. I think that when you do ride along life's journey, those connections that you know are meant to be will really stand out. Sometimes they may not stand out in the manner you expect, or even start or journey for a bit the way you think they should, but that's where life's plans show you that you really can't make life do what you want it to do sometimes.

But then again, you also can't be hasty in the big things in life either because as I mentioned before, the most important things in life should never be done hastily. Life is meant to be lived in a manner that you can inspire those around you and be fulfilled and happy. At least that's my take on it. We have one life to live, so why don't we do the right thing in life, and just go with it and enjoy the journey. We take the turns we must, back up down the paths that may dead end, but ultimately every "What if" can be just a part of making you who you are meant to be.

Doors

2010-09-06T20:50:00.004-05:00

I find myself getting inspiration at the most inopportune of times sometimes. Hence, now I sit in a McD’s parking lot barely having been on the road back to NC for about 20 minutes, inspired to write another blog.

Yet, this is pretty typical of my trips from VA to NC. I find myself usually scribbling in a notebook while I drive. Yea, I know. Not the safest of things to be doing, but I really want to get my thoughts out exactly how I think them at that very moment or I’ll never get it out like I want.

So, what has me thinking now? Well a lot of things. I always seem to ponder where I’m at in my life on these trips. And, to be frank, I need these times and these trips to get out of my grind and normal mundane life sometimes.

So what now? Well, I was thinking. Haha. Yea. Of course I was. So here it is:

The unknown is so apparent in my life it is scary. The opportunities in my life and where I’m going from here on are so exciting it scares me. I can’t help but look back at some of the doors that have closed in my life and want to run back and start banging on them to let me back in. It’s so hard not to want that. When those things you desired so strongly in your life are now gone and you are looking into a future that is unknown, yet so open to newness, you have to wonder what has gotten you to this point.

The other thing that has been on my mind are some of my friendships and relationships. It is so hard when you see more than one person in your life who you think are making the biggest mistakes ever! You want to run up to them, give them a slap, hug them, and then yell, “Don’t do it!!!” It’s hard when you think you know what the best thing is in their life and they don’t listen. But then again, you have to remember that you aren’t living their life either. However, it is still hard as you don’t want to see them get hurt. I can’t say that I wish ill on anyone, but there have been points in my life where I hoped that the hard lessons that were going to happen didn’t destroy that person or me to the point of irreparable. So far, I know the mistakes I’ve made in my life have only left scars and not permanent damage.

So all this being said, it relates to the open and closed doors in my life. Have I been making the biggest mistakes? No, I don’t think so. I just hate seeing others around me doing things that are so anti from what they have told me are their goals and dreams in life. Doing things that make no sense at all. Yet, I am SURE that some people are looking at my life and thinking the same exact thing. But, I don’t feel that way one bit. Those who truly know me, know this about me.

What I want most people to know is that while I’m not complacent with where I’m at in my life, I do have a sortof peace about where I’m going. I’m definitely not where I thought I would be a year ago now. Do I wish I was? Yea, sure. But then the enormous opportunities despite the unknown wouldn’t be in front of me. I imagine that I’m starting to reopen my heart to allow the future blessings to come flowing in like a vacuum as I read in a book recently. Do I feel like I deserve those blessings? Most of the time, I don’t. But that’s the nature of humanity. Yet, I stand on this path right now doing exactly and going exactly where I think I’m meant to be doing/going. There are many choices to be made. There are opportunities all around me. I just wish things were clearer for me. That I knew which choices to make that would pay off the most. Then there’s that ache to look back at some of those closed doors and see if they might be cracked open only slightly. But every time I look back, they aren’t. And I tell ya, that really hurts most of the time. I guess that’s why we are supposed to press forward. That if those doors are meant to reopen, they will open as a new door in front of me with new opportunities and a new path associated with them. And if they aren’t meant to reopen, you just move on and experience a life that truly was meant for you. Which I think will happen no matter what anyways. The most important part that I have to remind myself is to not wait around for things that are out of my control, especially when there is no indication that I should. To take a hold of what I can control and move forward.

The hardest part is hoping that the people and the opportunities that are behind those closed doors don’t miss out on what could’ve been such a happy and fulfilling life or path. Especially, when in your heart you know that they will be disappointed. And, as I've said before, this is hard because I wish no ill on anyone! For me, friendships and relationships in my life aren’t taken lightly and when you lose one without even the opportunity on your part to truly figure out why or get the opportunity for closure, it hurts A LOT. But then you realize that sometimes you just don’t have a choice in the matter. That it is not in your hands to get that opportunity.

Then I look forward and see that I will have such an amazing fulfilling life no matter what doors open, close, or reopen in my life. That is just the nature of hope and faith.

So here I stand, or sit rather at at this very moment, staring at a future with so many unknowns yet so many opportunities. I will say that everything I’ve experienced in the past has just moved me to a point to know exactly where I want and need to go. And for that, despite the hurt sometimes, I am thankful.

Pondering on Life

2010-07-30T10:43:00.002-05:00

As I do approach my 28th birthday, I've decided not to skip it. I've decided to embrace it. Sure, I may not be where I want to be or have accomplished what I expected to accomplish, but there is a whole new year to look forward to. I'm not saying there won't be heartbreak or disappointment, but that's apart of my journey.

When I look back over the past year and the direction I moved and the decisions made, I realize that this my path. Do I wish some things were different? certainly. Would I change anything? Probably not.

I gained friendships, and other friendships became stronger and deeper. I figured out, generally, what I'm looking for. I decided that I'm going to stop compromising on my life. Every time I dwell on things I can't control, I am compromising my life.

Instead, I'm going to choose to live. Move on and upward. Continue to make a difference. Touch more lives. My story may not be one that you agree with the decisions I've made or the direction that I've moved, but here's the kicker: it's MY story. And only I can live it.

A dear person to me told me I have a heart of gold. Whether or not you believe that is up to you, and sometimes I have a hard time believing that myself. I somehow want to associate that with being perfect or good, which I'm definitely not perfect and sometimes don't feel "good" either. But, then I get around those I love and who support me whatever life throws at me and realize that I have to have some "good" in me to have chosen to associate myself with those people.

Am I scared to what is held in the unknown of my future? Yea. Sure. But, am I going to not take that step forward because of that fear? Definitely not. That's what faith is.

Sometimes the choices I've made over the last year didn't pan out the way I wanted them to. Does that mean I made the wrong choices? No, not really. It just means that I still need to realize that I'm not the one in total control. Have I looked behind me and seen two sets of footprints in the sand? Yes. Am I seeing them both now? No. But that's because He is carrying me. And right now, I do need to be carried. He is carrying me through the stress and anxiety by using those around me. And for that, I'm ETERNALLY grateful.

So here it is. I approach my 28th birthday next Wednesday. I have faith that the next year holds blessings that I can't even fathom. Especially, when I realize that I'm not in control and He will carry me through and believe it in faith.

Mmmm! Fresh Fruit Smoothie!

2010-06-17T10:57:00.001-05:00

Mmm!! Strawberries, Peaches, and Blueberries! Fresh!

I add a scoop of Protein Powder and my hunger is suppressed for awhile! Usually at least 4 hours! There is a vanilla and chocolate version of this powder that is amazing too. My workouts go very well after having one of these smoothies. By the way, there is a Yoplait Frozen Smoothie thing you can get and add the powder and milk to that is awesome too if you can't keep fresh fruits!

2% Milk, ice, and protein powder mixed in!

Magic Bullet!

Yum! Most excellent brunch!

Pondering & Pet Peeves

2010-05-04T09:14:00.000-05:00

So lately, I've been pondering a lot about life and where I'm going in it. I feel like some people make it easy and some people make it hard for me to decide what's next for me.

Lately, I've been evaluating some of my friendships. Or perhaps I should say "relationships." One of the biggest pet peeves I have (other than bad drivers and people touching my pillow lol) is when people just up and decide they aren't going to talk to me anymore or ignore me. I hate, hate, hate that and it makes it easy for me to just say, "Well, I guess that's it." I understand that this is a busy world, and we are all busy in it. But goodness! When you build a relationship with someone and then just cut it off for no reason (in many different avenues), it makes me wonder what the heck happened when I have no clue. It sucks, to be frank.

I don't quite understand people like that. I know I'm not the best at always communicating, but I'll be honest with you. If I'm going to cut you off, I'll let you know why. I can promise that. It's the adult thing to do, right? Talk about your issues and the such.

Judgmental people bother me. I can honestly say that I don't care what your background is, what you've done in your life, etc if I have a friendship and relationship with you. You are important to me and I will be there for you. I don't judge and I say that whenever anyone comes to me with something to talk about or share. I care more about the person than what they've done or what has happened. That's just how I am.

However, it does bug me when I get judged for the decisions I make in my life. There is no perfect person in this world, so we have no right to judge one another. All I want is to be loved unconditionally for who I am not judged on what I choose to do.

Every decision, every path I've chosen has brought me to where I am today and will lead me to where I'm going in the future. That may be near or far away, but either way, I care the deepest for my true friends and family. Those are the ones I know will respect me enough to love me and talk to me when something is bothering them about me, specifically. They don't judge, they just love. If you aren't going to love me and talk to me when you are bothered or you judge me, then maybe you don't respect our "relationship" enough for it to carry on.

Dreaming Big

2010-03-11T23:41:00.001-05:00

You know what has been driving me absolutely nuts recently??? It's the negativity I'm getting towards at least one of my dreams. One of my biggest dreams is to be a stay at home mom once I start a family. However, the negativity towards that dream is absolutely stunning. Either some people can't dream big enough, or I dream too big for some people. It isn't, however, too big for me. I know what I want and will do whatever it takes to get it.

I know you might be thinking, but Tamara, look at this economy blah blah blah blah. You know what??!! I REFUSE to let the economy dictate my dreams. That's why I do some of the things I do as I work towards my dreams. Get OVER it. If you can't dream that big, fine. I can, though!

I'm starting to get to the point, even though I don't want to, of shutting these people's negativity out of my life. I only get upset at their negativity because it is so SAD. I'm sorry, but I can't live like that. I'm not one to not at least try and achieve my dreams. However, I do believe, without a shadow of a doubt, that I can make my dreams come true. I'd just like to do it with the encouragement of my friends and family rather than the negativity.

So what if it takes me longer than you think it should?! I won't be giving up, so you can get OVER that. I can guarantee you that I'll be closer to my dreams than you ever will be in your negativity. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I CHOOSE to live differently.

So, if you want to post something negative or tell me something negative about my dream or dreams, how about you "can it." My dreams are not unachievable, and if you think they are, GET A BIGGER DREAM or goal in your life. Really though.

My Daily Vitamin Regimen (Including the Weight Loss Stuff!)

2010-03-04T00:45:00.002-05:00

So I take a good regimen of daily vitamins. Don't get freaked out with how much I do take (it's all important and purposeful), but I'm sharing it with you as so many people ask me about my weight loss and what I do to keep healthy. I'm not putting this up here to debate whether or not you should take vitamins though. I'm pretty clear that I think you should by posting my list. So here it is!

For weight loss (and I've lost A LOT... ask me if you want to know how much, but let's just say I lost a 5 year old.):
Daily-
Slimmetry
Not meant for quick weight loss, but hey, slow and steady is the way to go if you want to keep it off. I started taking this a year and a half ago just to kick off my weight loss. I lost a good amount before I even started adding in smaller portions and exercise (a third of what I've lost on ONLY this).

With High Carb Meals & When I Remember to-
Carb Blocker
It also comes in a handy dandy blister pack if you don't want to carry a bottle.
Does it work? Definitely!!! It's just an additional thing I try and take when I know I'm eating out or going for those Carbs I love oh so much.

Regular Daily Regimen:

Double X
Now this is absolutely the best product you can get. They recommend two doses a day, but typically, I do one dose. So one of these packages will last me 2 months. For those with weaker stomachs (I take the above with milk and/or a meal), I recommend things like the following:
http://tmoney.qhealthbeauty.com/products/product.aspx?itemno=104174 (Regular Daily)

Hair, Skin, & Nails
Ever complimented me on my skin? In addition to an AMAZING skin care system I use, I take this. My hair is stronger, my nails stronger, and my skin clearer.

My Omega 3's
Ok, I'm not old, YET. But when I do get old I want to have a good brain, so I'm starting now. I only take one of these a day, but will most likely up it to 2/day once I get into my 30s. :) Plus, I don't like fish, so I don't eat it on a normal basis. Thus, this is the best way to get those all important Omega 3's. :)

ClearGuard
Just like the name. It clears things up and guards against things. The main thing being colds. Yea, how often do you really see me sick? Not often. It has to be MAJOR to break through my immune system. ;)

Iron
I have a problem with my iron levels. It's a genetics thing as my Mom has issues with it too. This is just added on to help with that. My daily has a lot in it, but I still need more. Before I took this supplement, I got turned away MOST of the time from giving blood. Now, I ONLY get turned away when I do too much in my workout the day before (due to my muscles storing added iron).

Concentrated Fruits/Veggies
Ok really... how many of us truly get all of our servings in of fruits and vegetables? I don't unfortunately, but I do alright. I just add one of these in daily to supplement my already ok diet. :)

SO, if you are looking to START a vitamin regimen, I would recommend the following:
Men's Daily Pack
Women's Daily Pack
At least with these two, you get to start taking care of yourself in a convenient packet that includes everything you need and easy to take on the go without dealing with bottles!

AND if you want to try the supplements that have aided me in my weight loss:
Slimmetry
Carb Blocker

One last thing I'll mention is something I supplement my workouts with.
I had no clue how much I was pushing myself with my stamina and endurance until I started eating half a pack of these gummies:
Endurance Cubes: Berry- my fav
Endurance Cubes: Fruit Burst
Especially, if you are a major worker-outer (lol on making up words) or if you want to just help give yourself a boost to feel good while working out, you HAVE to try these. One package is two workouts. I can't believe how easy it is for me to continue working out for 1-2 hours after having these. In fact, yesterday, I forgot to eat my serving of these cubes and my workout was terrible! I was tired after just pushing myself for 30 mins on the treadmill running. You WILL notice a huge difference when you add these to your workouts. It helps give you a quick energy boost, fuel prolonged endurance, and help your body replace key electrolytes lost during prolonged exercise (2 hours worth minimum). I ate a whole package of these before the Krispy Kreme challenge, and if you hadn't heard, had amazing race results! :)

Ok, so why did I post this? As I mentioned, several people have asked me what I do to lose weight and stay healthy. In addition to my diet (which isn't really all that good to be truthful) and exercise, these supplements have helped me tremendously. It is important for me to take care of myself now so that I don't have a drug store on my nightstand when I get older. I'm averting the health issues of the future by taking care of myself now. It is never too early to start!

Ask me any questions you might have. I can get you some samples too if you want some. I have more than just this in my repertoire of supplements. These are just what I take and I can help you figure out what you need based on what your health needs are.

The best ever! All natural and the #1 All Organic Vitamin Brand in the World!

On my mind on I-85...

2010-03-01T20:17:00.003-05:00

Other than dodging pot holes today on my 3.5 hour drive from Richmond, VA, I actually authored a blog. :)
So, without further ado...

Wandering Ponderer

The Road Ahead and Behind
Have you ever just sat down and pondered over the paths and roads you taken in your life? Then, you realized that every road you have taken has lead you exactly to where you are now... Seems silly to write it that way, but really in every decision we've made in our life, the consequences (good and bad) have brought us to exactly this point in our life. For me, I know I wouldn't change a thing as I know that every choice I've made in my life and every event, person, and thing has happened for a reason. Sure, things could be different if I had taken different turns along my journey. Would I really go back and change that? No.

Something good, even though not always obvious at first, has seemingly come from every choice I've made. I just wouldn't be who I am today without the people who have journeyed with me and the road I've decided to take. It's when you step out on faith that can be the most scary moment but also can lead you down the most rewarding path.

Frodo puts my thoughts it in very choice words from Lord of the Rings: "Remember what Bilbo used to say: 'It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door,' he used to say. 'You step onto the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.'"

It's hard sometimes, though, because you can feel so broken inside when the people around you don't understand the choices you make along your journey. However, when you know for sure, prayerfully and meditatively, that you are walking your journey the way it was meant to be traveled, a sense of peace waves over you.

Happy & Holy!
I believe in my heart that Holy AND Happy living can be combined. Why would God design it any other way? We get one chance to live for Him on this earth and sometimes doing what's best for your path may not appear to be one or the other or both even. Ultimately, though, I'm a firm believer that it is important to have both in your life.

I'm not perfect. I admit that fully, nor do I live under the premise AT ALL that I am even close to perfect nor do I claim to be "experienced in life." Far from it, in fact. I just do my best to live the best way I know how and love unconditionally. Love comes in many different forms as well. Sometimes you just have to make the tough decisions that will ultimately be the right or best decision later, even if they don't seem like it now.

Rather than live "resigned," I choose to live "designed."
I also feel like when you resign yourself to a way of life that isn't ultimately designed for you and your path, that it can be hard to live a fulfilled and Holy life. Many times that leads to resentment of the situation and people involved. Personally, I feel that interferes with my unconditional love philosophy for my life.

Cliché
I would rather hurt sometimes than feel nothing at all. Yeah, that's totally cliché, but it is a reminder of when I'm curving off from what is really designed for my journey. This goes for life, love, and business.

Against the flow?
I always remind myself that to be a part of one direction decisively will not be understood by those going in the opposite direction. It is, however, my hope that, in time, my journey will be looked upon and, in the end, viewed and seen by my Lord and Savior only as the best way for me to live Holy and Happy for Him. I'm not living my life for other people and I have to constantly remind myself of that.

Conclusion?
You can agree or disagree, but this is where I'm at right now. Sometimes the harder path right now will turn out to be easier long term and vice versa. It may not seem fair that it is, but yea, that's life.

Enjoy the calm moments of life and meditate over your own journey...

Conan O'Brien was jipped.

2010-01-23T00:10:00.002-05:00

I have to say that I am with Conan O'Brien on what NBC has done. It was a low blow by them and I completely disagree. It has put Jay in an unfortunate spot and has pretty much shattered Jay's reputation. I no longer will support watching Jay Leno from now on because of it.

I adore Conan O'Brien and have always been around to watch his shows. It was a favorite thing for me to stay up to do in college. It's sad that NBC ripped the rug right out from underneath Conan. I think they deserve every tongue lashing they are getting because of it. It's their fault for thinking it was a smart idea to put Jay at 10pm and then after all of this fiasco put Jay back into "The Tonight Show." I mean, seriously? Who will really want to watch after all is said and done?

Kudos for Conan for doing the right thing in standing his ground against NBC. I have a higher respect for him for doing that. I can't wait to see what Conan does next. I'm loyal to him!

Tipping...

2010-01-14T16:16:00.001-05:00

I have always had this strong feeling that tipping is so important. Of course, it is different in different countries, but most of the restaurants in the US pay their waiters/tresses crappy money, so they depend on the tips to make up for it. This includes delivery people as well.

I was always raised to tip. My parents do it and now even more so that I see people, like my business team, blessing people who work hard. And yes they do work hard. I have a hard time when people blame their servers for the bad food. Yes, there does come a point where the service is just as important, and if someone gives me really crappy service, I'll tip less but still usually my 15-20% minimum.

The point is that you never know what's going on for that person if they do give you bad service. Also, as I mentioned before, they depend on the tips. So, if you don't want to tip, don't go out to eat or get delivery.

My Workout Routine

2010-01-05T23:55:00.006-05:00

Many people have asked what I do to work out. How do I stay motivated? What keeps me going???

I’ll be honest, just holding up the jeans I now fit in keeps me super motivated! I literally was doing laundry tonight and held up the jeans I had just washed and said, “Wow! I fit into these??!!” It is refreshing. I feel good, I’m looking better, I’m toning up. I just love the feeling. This is now my true motivation. In fact, I hate it when I don’t get the chance to work out! So here it is, this is what I do at the gym!

1. I do about 15 mins on the Elliptical Machine, Level 7 which is equal to about 100 Calories of workout according to the machine. I do 5 mins of backwards and 10 mins of forwards. To be honest, I have to do this machine first, or I am just too tired to do all 15 mins if I do it in the middle.

2. I do 15-17 mins on the treadmill, Speed: 4.0; Incline: 13. I usually keep the same speed and incline until the machine says I’ve burned 200 Calories and then cool down for about 2-2:30 at 3.1 or 3.0, no incline. In the end, I burn about 210 Calories on this machine.

3. I do leg extensions and curls on a leg machine.

Leg Extensions: I do 50 pounds and 12-15 reps (12 is hard). Then I lower it to 40 pounds and do 10-12. Then I lower to 30 pounds and do 10-12.

Leg Curls: I do 50 pounds and 10 reps. Then 40 pounds and 12-15 reps. Then 30 pounds and 10-15 reps. The reps depend on how tired and sore I am.

4. I do Chest/Shoulder presses on a machine. 3 types: Flat, slightly Angled, and sitting up straight.

This picture is slightly inclined. I’m sure you can figure out that flat is laying down flat on my back and sitting position is where the incline is closer to 90 degrees.
Flat: I can do about 5 reps on 50 pounds. Then I drop it to 40 pounds and can do 8-10. Then I drop it to 30 pounds and do about 8-10.
Next, I do slightly angled. I start at 40 pounds and do about 8-10 reps. Then I drop to 30 pounds and do 10 reps. Lastly, I do 30 pounds and do about 8-10 reps.
Sitting up (shoulder press): I start at 30 pounds and do 8-10 reps. Then I do 20 pounds and do 10-15 reps.

5. I do 2 sets of 5 pull ups where I have walked up a big workout machine so my feet are on the machine and then pull up from there. I have not gotten to the point where I can pull my body up hanging yet.

6. I do 50 crunches on a ball. This is much better for my back and I feel it quite well. My position is like this:

7. Ball Squats: The picture is a variation of what I do. I’ll do them on the wall or I’ll start where I start the crunches from and lower down to the floor from there. Both give me that nice burning sensation in my thigh muscles.

8. Mat Exercises
a. Leg/Thigh Lifts:

I do 30 lifts on the top leg then bring my knee to a bend and lift the leg that is on the mat to work the inner thigh and do 30 reps with that. I turn on the other side and do the same on the other side.
b. V-Shaped/Jack-Knife Crunches- I do 30 of these. It is tough after having already done all the above!

c. Kick-out, Kick-in ab exercise. You can do it where you alternate the legs or do both legs at the same time. You bring one leg (or both) in to your stomach and kick the other out and do that for several reps. I usually do 20 reps (both legs get 20). You should feel it really well in your abs.

Image shows both legs being pulled in and out positioning.

9. Weight Lunges: I do about 20 of these (10 on each leg) with 15 lb weights in my hands.

10. Twists with weight on the ball. I sit on the ball with a 15 pound weight in my hands and twist at my waist a full twist (so both sides are twisted) and do about 20 of those (both sides get 20 basically). Similar to the below picture, but instead I have a weight barbell instead of a ball and I sit on the ball.

11. Tricep lifts with both hands over head sitting on the ball. I do 25 of these with a 15 pound weight. This means it is time for me to increase the weight.

12. I do the same lifts above except I pull the weight in front of me sitting on the ball with the same weight and then pull up (both hands around top dumbell, palms up and then pull weight towards me). It is essentially a tricep lift. I do 15 lbs, and 25 reps (time to up the weight!).

13. Bench work:
a. More triceps. I put one knee on the bench, lean forward and pull my arm up so that it at the same angle as my back and work the triceps. I do both arms with a 15lb, 10lb, and 5lb weight, starting with the 15lb weight. 20 reps each. I do the 15lb on both sides (switching knees when I do each side- right knee up with right arm, vice versa).
b. Arm twists. No weight (at the moment). I extend my arms out straight when I sit straight up on the bench. This has been dubbed the exercise to get rid of “Bingo Arms” or those flabby under arms.
i. Palms facing floor, I twist my arms at the shoulder in a clockwise position (for the left arm) for 20 spins.
ii. Palms facing forward, perpendicular to floor, I twist my arms at the shoulder again in a clockwise position for 20 spins.
iii. Palms facing ceiling, I twist again in the same motion for 20 spins.
iv. Repeat all the above in sequence except in the opposite spin direction (left arm would be going counterclockwise). I do all this usually without stopping between palm positions. This exercise burns, but I have started to see a difference!

14. Bike exercise: This is the last place I go and I do some arm weights exercises while I bike.
Some days I’ll do intervals on the bike. These are the days where I work out on the bike at least 10-15 mins. I’ll do 2 mins at level 8, then 2 mins at level 6, and then repeat for however long I am going to work out on the bike. Most days, I do at least 5 mins on the bike or 50 calories equivalent. The days where I want to do more mins are when I do the intervals. The days where I am doing 5 mins, I’ll usually do one resistance level either 7 or 8. Why so short? Usually because I have already worked out for close to 1.5 hours at this point.
a. Over head Arm curls: I usually do 25-30 reps with 5 lb weights (need to up the weight).

This image shows my starting postion and then I pull those weights together over my head to where they touch.
b. Front Bicep Curls: 30 reps with 5 lb weights (need to up the weight).

The two above exercises, of course are being done while cycling. The cycle I use is one where I’m sitting back:

So that is my routine! I drink at least a liter of water, if not more, while working out. I average about 1.5 hours a day when I work out and when I don’t have 1.5 hours to work out, I usually cut the amount of time on the aerobics equipment and at least do the full weights work out. When I can do a full workout, my minimum goal on the aerobics machines is for them to tell me I've burned a total (between all 3) of 350 Calories. I work out 4-5 days a week. I just feel so good after having done a good work out. You should try it!

Let me know if you have any questions or suggestions!

Dived off a Weight Plateau... (My Secrets)

2009-12-11T11:30:00.005-05:00

So, many of you don't know this, but I have lost A LOT of weight since August of 2008. Many people ask what my secrets are and I'll share them in just a second.

Here are my stats:
From my heaviest, I've lost 52 pounds.
I've gone down 6-8 sizes (depending on the clothes) which if I go down one more size will be half my original clothing size!

How did I do it?
Well I cheated for the first 20 pounds. I was sick last year for nearly 3 months and lost it then. Once I lost that first 20 pounds, I vowed to lose more and that's what I've been doing ever since!

So what of the other 32 pounds?
A couple of things.

1. I do take one supplement to help. It's an all natural supplement that just helps to keep my metabolism up, and is not meant for quick weight loss but to help get it off gradually and keep it off! I've been taking it since August of last year when it first came out. I take 2 pills once a day with my other vitamins. I do have a healthy regimen of organic vitamins I take daily!
Health and Beauty - Nutrilite® Slimmetry Dietary Supplement
Health and Beauty - Nutrilite® Slimmetry Dietary Supplement- Blister Pack

So that has definitely helped!

Occasionally, I take a Carb Blocker when I'm going to have a big Carb meal:
Health and Beauty - Nutrilite® Carb Blocker 2
Health and Beauty - Nutrilite® Carb Blocker 2 - Blister Pack

2. I cut portions sizes big time!!!
You don't need to eat so much! I had to literally teach myself it was ok to leave food on the plate or take a doggie bag home from restaurants.

Most of my meals are like this where I have more plate than food. I eat just about anything I want, except for a lot of sweets. I have cut a lot of sugar out of my diet, and hardly ever drink soda. I stick to juices, milk, and a lot of water. I eat better including fresh fruits and veggies in most meals. I make my lunch when I have to go out during lunch time (usually a sandwich with meat, cheese, and mustard, and then some baked crisps and a yogurt or fresh fruit). If I'm up early enough, I try to eat breakfast. This kick starts my metabolism as well.

I used to eat too much, but I was raised under a mentality that we have to watch money, so if we ate out, I felt like I HAD to finish my food. I'm much better now. It was definitely a mental wall I had to break down.

I eat slower and drink when I feel like snacking. Sometimes thirst can be mistaken for hunger. I do have a glass of wine occasionally.

3. I Exercise. Yes, I used the dreaded "E" word. Right now, I'm working out about 3-4 times a week in the gym and usually for about 1-1.5 hours. I have a friend who is a personal trainer and he recommended more weight training to accelerate my weight loss.

I have a Wii Fit. When I don't have time for the gym or access to a gym, I use it. And I actually take a body test on it nearly everyday or every other day. I love it and those of you who can get a Wii, should get one!

4. I give blood/platelets. How does this help? Well, it keeps me healthy! When I give it forces my body to create new cells. New cells are healthy cells!

5. I sleep 7-8 hours a night as often as I can. I go to bed earlier than I used to and set my clock so that it's not usually more than 8 hours. A healthy amount of sleep is super important for helping improve your weight loss!

So, what of this plateau? I seem to hit plateaus at about every 10-15 pounds lost. Sometimes I linger at a weight for a few months. The biggest thing I have learned from those plateaus is to not give up, to keep at it! I broke off another plateau last week and my weight has been steadily dropping again and I feel like a million bucks every time I see my weight lower and lower.

I'm within 10 pounds of my high school weight now (in fact more like 8!) and I haven't been this "light" since I had Giardia after Guatemala in 2003 (actually I was 1 lb heavier after that than I am now)! In fact, when I got back from college (after I lost a lot of weight the last year or so), I was 10 pounds heavier than I am now!

Talk about feeling good! I haven't felt so good physically in ages. My knees don't really hurt anymore and I have a much better stamina.

Anyways, I just wanted to give some of ya'll hope out there. I know that I plan to reach my New Year's goal of another 9.2 pounds by mid January, but I may reach it sooner!

My Friend Debbie's "Blown" Glass

2009-12-03T23:42:00.002-05:00

I've visited my friend Debbie and her flock a couple times, and she has a hobby where she "melts" glass.

I got this from her (the "charm").

She recommended leather or ribbon to hang it from, and I had this white leather necklace to put the charm on.

I love it and think it is gorgeous!! It's great to be able to support my friends' businesses/hobbies!
And yes, she made that!!! I watched her make what she calls a Frog Focal. It was amazing!!
(her pic not mine:)

Check out her site here: Pierces Designs

A Bit Taken Back

2009-12-03T02:21:00.000-05:00

So, as many of you know, I have an online E-Bird Store. Things are going fabulously! I'm doing this full-time now which is just the opportunity that I've been looking for.

I tell you what though, sometimes, it makes me wonder what goes through people's minds. I'm a pretty supportive person, and when I have things that I feel like someone should know, I do it in private. I would never ever bring it to light in public.

However, without mentioning names, I'm a bit taken back by a new store that distributes through my same warehouse.

I'm pretty supportive of many stores that distribute through my warehouse. In fact, for many of them, even though they technically would be considered my competitors, I still write things to encourage them or are even fans of them on Facebook.

This one person who has this new store though won't talk to me and keeps removing me as a fan on their Facebook Fan Page. What's wrong with supporting them? Am I that abusive or what not? I don't know, but it's beginning to feel a bit personal, especially when they won't even talk to me or tell me why they are doing that.

Dr. B has always been supportive of my store even though it is technically competing with his online store as well. In fact, I used his store as a template for my own.

Anyways, I feel like I just needed to get that off my chest as it's been bothering me. I figured something might be up when I couldn't even click "Like" on that Fan Page of one of the photos posted.

Heaven forbid I EVER screen my fans. That just looks bad to me. I've spent many years building relationships with my fans on Facebook and YouTube. I wouldn't want to ruin it by being selective of who could be fans of my page. You just won't see me doing that.

By the way, if you ever have a problem with me, please don't hesitate to contact me directly privately. I would like to work things out or talk it through with you!!

Ok, that's my rant for the day. lol.

Kiwi!

2009-11-04T14:45:00.004-05:00

There is just something about this video that I just love... and yet it is also heartbreaking too. I don't know what it is. Perhaps the mere aspect of the dreams in our lives and those wishes we work so dearly to attain and the price we pay. In the end, we ponder the worth of the outcome.

Finding true, deep happiness in what we seek when we finally seek it is what makes the effort truly worth it. Even when it seems it is something that is unachievable or impossible.

As a friend of mine said after watching this video, "This video just shows so clearly something that is extremely hard to explain."

Remembering 9/11

2009-09-11T12:23:00.001-05:00

It was cool that morning in Boone, NC. I was walking to my 9am Chemistry class when I walked by the TV in the downstairs lounge area between Gardner and Coltrane. It’s a big TV and hard to miss. It was on a news channel and I remember seeing a tall building on it burning, but I didn’t really have time to stop and look.

The classroom atmosphere was fairly normal when I made it to Chemistry. Apparently, not a lot of people really knew what had happened at that point. We made it through chemistry fairly normally that day.

It wasn’t until I made my way to Spanish at 10am that I realized that there was not only one building burning in NY, but two and that one had collapsed. Spanish class was basically canceled as we all piled into a dim room on the same floor where CNN was projecting on the screen in the front. I was horrified. What had happened? What was going on?

My eyes were flooded with tears as I watched the images projected on the screen. I watched as couples holding hands jumped out of the building on screen. They were trapped and figured death was upon them anyways. I covered my mouth in shock and held my breath as I watched the second building collapse.

After the 10am hour, classes were an afterthought for the rest of the day. I can’t remember if I skipped them or if I even went, or if they were canceled. All I remember is that I sat in my dorm room watching the tele as the events unfolded on that fateful day.

What were you doing, where were you on that fateful day?

No Self Pity

2009-05-09T15:50:00.000-05:00

I met someone the other day who was legally blind. I didn’t know it until well after an hour of sitting across from him at a church meal. I guess I could’ve picked up a few clues, but really I had no idea.

This person amazed me. The reason I didn’t know was because as he introduced himself to me and then when we would have a discussion, he would look right at me. It wasn’t until the minister was thanking someone for a donation of some blinds for the window that he jokingly laughed about it and told me.

I was so fascinated. He didn’t make his blindness be something that “paralyzed” him. In fact, as I talked to him, he said that sure he could make it be something he would want pity for, but why do that? He has a great family, a loving wife, and just lives so happily despite being blind. He’s been blind since he was 25. He’s not that old or anything, but that’s a long time to be blind for.

He admitted to being able to see my “shape” or as I would think a kindof aura. Meeting him made me feel more appreciative of the things that I do have, such as the ability to see, talk, walk, and hear. Honestly, meeting him was a blessing and a self realization of how one can choose not to let the “little” things in life get you down. The mere fact that he didn’t pity himself or want others to pity him made me truly respect him and the things in life that I take for granted.

No Guarantees.

2008-12-11T04:56:00.000-05:00

I called my Dad tonight. At midnight. He was up. He picked up and I started to cry when I said, “Dad, I just wanted to call and tell you that I love you.”

Once again, I am reminded of life’s fragility. We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. I don’t know why some of us will be called home before most would say is a full life. But seriously, what is the measure of a full life anyways? It certainly isn’t how long you live. It’s how you live and the lives you touch and change. It’s what you do to make a difference in this life for however long you will be around.

When you lose those people who become influences in your life, you realize even more how much they change you, how much they challenge you as a person. What are we living for here? Is it just to carry on our everyday lives, a monotonous habitual routine? I don’t think so. We are here to make a difference, even if we don’t know how or why or in what way we will. We look for the callings in our life. Some call it fate, others call it God’s will, and others say we choose our path. Whatever one calls it, it is all a journey. Life is a journey, a series of events that I like to call opportunities. It’s all in how you respond to those opportunities, rather than react to them. Your responses make you who you are and mold you into who you will become. I choose to live learning who I am whilst knowing whose I am. This is my inner being and the journey into the purpose of my life.

While we weep for those lost influences, we find comfort in them too. They become even more opportunities to grow from, change, and then use. We find ourselves challenged to our very cores, selflessness that challenges our human selfish nature. How does that work? Simply, you don’t change the world being selfish.

How can we take the power of this influence and make a difference in this world? That’s part of the journey. It’s amazing how even one person can set an example that can affect thousands of people and they not even realize it. It’s a matter of passing the influence, a kind of paying it forwards essentially.

During my first ever missions trip to Honduras, I realized that my purpose was to affect people in a positive way. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it. My first baby steps included making the children smile around me. In all reality, they were influencing me more than I was influencing them. I didn’t understand it at the time. I was still in my selfish bubble trying to do things all myself. Honestly, that never was in my control anyways. It never has been.

Divine connections. Oh how I never understood the term. Even the smallest decisions along our paths take us places and bring us to meet people we never would’ve before. One small instance in time can change the entire course of your life! Once I realized how these divine connections worked, I noticed them more and more in my life and was able to see the opportunities in front of me. How I responded to those opportunities has molded me into who I am today. Those opportunities not only included events in my life, but meeting the people who would influence it as well.

Now I find myself, once again, pondering where I’m at in my life. I don’t just want to “live” my life, I want to live! We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. The sense of urgency is upon us all. It’s not a doomsday urgency, even though I do know that that will come like a thief in the night. However, I choose not to live my life in fear. Fear only weakens us. If we dwell on it, we will never become the influence that is intended for our lives. I choose to take a hold of it and conquer it, thus I become stronger and move towards who I am supposed to become in this life.

I’m not here without purpose. I was created on purpose. When I move one step closer to the intended fulfillment of my true purpose, I know it. I can feel it. I can’t call it satisfaction though. Satisfaction implies completion and I won’t be satisfied until I am gone from this Earth. You see, ultimately this place will never “satisfy” my true and inner being. How can it? We live in a world full of selfish influence and to really make a difference, as I’ve stated before, you can’t be selfish. Yes, you can grow yourself, but growing yourself is a benefit to others. You can change lives just through that.

I pray daily that I can become a fraction of the influence that the people who change and grow me are in my life. They are the ones who have helped me along this journey thus far. Even though I do not know how long I will be here and I stand at the mere beginning of my own voyage, I keep my eyes focused on that ultimate goal. Who I am is a gift given to me, and who I become is a gift that I can give.

Dealing with Difficult People

2008-11-03T19:48:00.001-05:00

Why is it that people assume the worst? I do wish that we didn’t have to deal with difficult people in this life sometimes. I know how I can grow from dealing with it, but it can be so painful! I try not to get weary in well doing, but still! It is just tiring! I only have to deal with majorly difficult people on a rare occasions. The problem comes because I really care about people no matter if they are difficult. Those majorly difficult ones are the ones that end up testing my patience the most because no matter how hard I try, I can never win. Not that I need to “win” but sometimes you just want people to realize you are being genuine!

It is my belief that no matter how much a person has hurt you or treated you badly, you should still treat them in a polite manner. This is what I call common courtesy. Why make others feel uncomfortable by airing out dirty laundry publicly? It isn’t for show! I don’t know how to explain it any further than just saying that you deal with personal matters privately and not publicly. Things don’t have to be ok for you to treat someone with dignity and respect! Golly, I sometimes wonder why this is a hard concept for people.

I feel deeply that if a person has issues with me, they should just come talk to me instead of talking to everyone around me! It feels as though when that is done, it is just that person’s way of turning people against me. But to be straight and honest, people who take the time to get to know me, know that when someone does come to them for stupid stuff like that, they know that highly likely it is just a misconception or misjudgement or they recommend that they talk to me.

That is the difference between real friends and fake ones. The fake ones believe whatever they hear without first getting clarification or they judge you based off what that person said. True friends grow you. They point out your flaws, but they only do it to help you become a better person. They also don’t judge you. They know that there will be times in life when you make stupid decisions, but they go on loving you and they don’t let those personal decisions shape their relationship with you when it comes to things outside of their direct relationship with you.

The most tiring thing for me is having to explain who I am over and over. I really do wear who I am on my sleeve. People who are around me everyday or who have ever hung out with me know this! That’s what I really love about my true friends is that they love me for who I am, not who they want me to be. They understand how I am and what’s going on in my life. I can tell them anything without being scared that they will use my openess against me. I can trust them to not intentionally hurt me. My true friends always give the benefit of the doubt to the best of their ability. They trust who I am, not what misconceptions, if any, are made about me.

How many times can you forgive without it being detrimental to your health and well-being? I know that the Bible doesn’t put a limit on the number of times you can forgive someone. Think on this analogy though: Everytime you get hurt by someone its like driving a nail into your fence post. You can forgive and remove the nail, but the fence post still has the hole. How many holes can you take before it just gets to be too much? I like to think I can take a lot of holes, but no one in my life, to my knowledge, has ever driven me close to the limit. Yes, there are people who have put a lot of holes in the fence post, and it is hard to think on whether or not our friendship could ever be the same. I wish I could say it could be, but somehow deep down, even with the forgiveness there, you still have the scars. I find myself being more cautious with those scars when it comes to those difficult people.

The hardest part of dealing with difficult people is making the tough decisions. Sometimes it just takes time, meditation, and prayer. I don’t know how to explain to them how long that will take though, especially if the wound is deep and the healing is still taking place. Either way, I can still treat that person with common courtesy and hope they don’t misinterpret that as being fake. In all honesty, I believe that treating people with respect, even if you are hurting because of them, is very important. Again, it is for the benefit of those around them and you, too.

Ultimately, I know I can grow to be a better person by growing my patience and who I am as a person in dealing with difficult people. I do think it is ok to throw your hands up sometimes and ask, “Why me, Lord??” It’s being human to do that! I still choose, despite that, to live my life happily and in a positive way. Why wouldn’t you? You make the best of the life you are living and choose to do the best you can. I know I try, and while I sometimes have difficulty suceeding in that, I find that most of the time, I do suceed. I strive to be a positive factor in people’s lives, not solely because it benefits me (because uplifting and encouraging people has a reciprocal effect) but because you can truly make a difference in someone’s life being that. What is wrong with being a positive and happy person? Nothing.

Even in dealing with difficult people, you can still choose to not let it get you down. I know who I am, and am convicted to who I am. I know where I stand with God on who I am. In all of that, I don’t have to prove or justify who I am to anyone. I can only hope that people will see that and understand, or try and understand, who I am through that.

Things I Like...

2008-10-26T00:02:00.000-05:00

When my nephew runs up to me and hugs my legs.
Taking my nephew to the park.
Holding and walking around my nephew when he is discovering new things.
When my nephew bonks me on the head trying to kiss me.
Dipping French fries in a Wendy’s Frosty.
Limp French fries.
Listening to Rodney’s Music.
Rodney playing his piano for me.
Dipping my finger in Rachel’s homemade icing.
Rachel’s amazing cakes.
Getting my hair stroked.
Cuddling.
Spooning.
Laughing.
Being complimented.
Complimenting people.
Believing in people.
Praying for people.
Giving the benefit of the doubt.
Getting the benefit of the doubt.
Getting hugs from my brothers.
When Thomas actually agrees with me on something.
Talking to Tim about anything because he usually doesn’t talk.
When my birds snuggle my neck.
Playing “Where’s BeBe?” with BeBe.
Having a bird in each hand.
Giving Ashlee head rubs.
Getting kisses from my birds.
Gouda Cheese.
My Mom’s meatloaf.
Going to the movies with my Mom.
Watching my Dad visit with people at church and the hospital.
Dad singing at me at church.
Going to church.
Getting hugs from my friends at church.
When Sammy and Austin pick me up while hugging me.
Encouraging people.
Raising people’s spirits.
Praying for people.
Smiling.
Making people smile.
Raising someone’s self-esteem.
Skinny days.
Working out.
Biking.
Swimming.
Hiking.
Rope swinging into a creek in the mountains.
Beacon Heights off the Blue Ridge Parkway.
Camping illegally on the parkway.
Driving the parkway and stopping at the overlooks.
Stargazing.
Looking at the moon or planets through my telescope.
Watching a meteor shower.
Trampolines.
Moonwalks.
Iceskating.
Snowskiing.
Water tubing.
Driving fast.
Holding hands.
Being held.
Kissing.
Watching movies.
Going to plays.
Acting in plays/skits.
Drawing.
Reading poetry.
Writing poetry.
Singing.
Singing loudly in the car.
Buying paintings.
Commissioning paintings.
Admiring other's artwork.
Finding old notes.
Getting handwritten notes and cards in the mail.
Buying pottery.
Handmade gifts.
Giving gifts.
Receiving gifts.
Classical music.
Popular music.
Alternative music.
Christian music.
My birthday.
Christmas.
Photography.
Scrapbooking.
The Grand Canyon.
Watching the sunrise over the ocean.
Walking on the beach at sunset.
Trying new things.
McD’s icecream.
KFC Cheese Snackers.
A good pair of sneakers.
Laughing.
Making people laugh.
Taking long showers.
Hot tubs.
Holding a newly hatched lovebird.
Turtles.
Aquariums.
Zoos.
Strawberries.
Mac’N’Cheese.
Betty Crocker Warm Delights Mini.
Going to the movie theater.
Playing my Wii.
Bamboo.
Screened-in porches.
Vaulted Ceilings.
Roses and daisies.
Soft bed-sheets.
My pillow.
CBC.
Sleeping on the top bunk (except at CBC).
Taking my parents’ dogs to the dog park.
My mother figures who look out for me.
My business team.
Business functions.
Puzzles.
Art museums.
Science museums.
History museums.
Physics demonstrations.
Knighthood.
Skype Chat Rooms.
People who make me laugh.
People who really take the time to get to know me.
People who understand me and love me for who I am.
My “twins.”
Listening to good songs on YouTube.
Sitting up against a tree in the shade in the grass on a partly cloudy warm day.
70 degree days.
Fall leaves.
Jumping/swimming through a pile of leaves.
Slip-N-Slides.
Walking around barefoot.
Snowball fights.
Building snowmen.
Making snow angels.
The way trees look frosted by snow.
New spring leaves coming in on trees.
Climbing trees.
Memories of my Grandparents.
Seeing/reuniting with old friends.
Being cooked for.
Pasta.
Diamonds.
Survivor.
Watching the Discovery Channel.
Mostly green bananas.
Laughing cow cheese.
Eating pecans off the tree.
Visiting ruins.
The view off the mountain by Amacuapa, Honduras.
Sitting on the pier in Trujillo at night watching the stars.
Walking on piers.
Sleeping under the stars.
Tent Camping.
Volleyball.
Rough-out basketball.
Paint balling.
Capture the flag.
Hide-N-Go-Seek.
Visiting Lighthouses.
Riding Ferries.

I'm sure there are more... I may add to this list later!

Heroes (Poem)

2008-10-15T02:21:00.002-05:00

Dedicated to Madonna Higgins, Steve Fowler, and Matt “Ninja Bunny” Gegner
In memory of John Edds, who died serving our country in Iraq

Definition of a hero:
A person who puts themselves at risk, usually grievous danger, for the benefit of another.

Courage, Integrity
They stand and face danger
Unity, Faith
Doing whatever it takes
Situational Awareness, Adaptability
Knowing the role they play
Trust, Dependability
They stand together, supporting one another,
When most would tremble
Caring, Compassion
They do what most could not
Strength, Service
They make us safe back at home,
And the world a better place
True Americans, Patriots
They stand for freedom
National Treasures, Respected
Our heroes,
Standing for what is right, true, & free
Honored for serving our country

Notes: Across all branches of the military, re-enlistment is at its highest: 115%
You CANNOT entice people to re-enlist for a losing cause.
Our military personnel active/reserves make up <1%>

Undenyable Symptoms (Poem)

2008-10-10T02:07:00.000-05:00

My thoughts betray me
My heart tells the truth
The warmth of his touch
The fluttering of my stomach's monarchs
The tickling of his breath on my neck
goosebumps
The compassion of his hold
The beauty inside and out
indescribable
His encouraging reminders
The tears when I shed when he's not around
A deep need for him
a prayer
Emotional trust
His fingers through my hair
comforting
A mutual understanding
The love portrayed in his presence
Te quiero, amor mio

10/29/00

Obama's Wrong Ideas for America

2008-06-21T01:25:00.003-05:00

So, I felt like I wanted to post up one of the lastest Huckabee updates I got on FB. I really agreed with what he had to say about Obama:

Obama's Wrong Ideas for America

Thursday, June 19, 2008 at 6:06pm

Greetings, from Sapporo, Japan:

Janet and I are still in Japan for a few more days. It is about 5am here on Friday which makes it 3 in the afternoon back home in North Little Rock. We are having a great, but extremely packed week. It feels like being back on the campaign trail, except that the speeches are being interpreted in Japanese and the raw fish is sometimes a little tough on a guy who grew up thinking fried catfish was seafood. Yesterday, I visited with some of the scientists at Tohuko University in Sendai City regarding their groundbreaking research in producing solar energy and in the their development of amazing new materials that are lighter and stronger than steel. I also visited with the Governor of the Hokkaido prefect where next month’s G-8 Summit will be held and spoke to the Chamber of Commerce in that prefect on American politics, US/Japan relations, and economic trends in the United States. We are looking forward to being back—we miss the dogs!

My speech to the Foreign Correspondents Club a few days ago seemed to have generated some buzz both here and back home when I mentioned that it would be a “fundamental if not fatal mistake for the GOP to demonize Barak Obama” in order to win the election. Some seem to have taken that to mean I was all but endorsing Obama! Quite the opposite.

I believe his ideas are totally wrong for America and many of his plans would take us the opposite direction from where I think we need to go. He is an ardent supporter for the most liberal and indefensible positions on abortion, including his refusal to support a ban on the most vile forms of all, partial birth abortion. He has stated that he would be an activist in seeking to push for what the anti-life forces euphemistically call “reproductive rights.”

His plan to raise taxes would be an economic disaster for our nation. We would lose jobs and investment and see the economy really squeeze the working class with even higher fuel and food prices.

He would implement more government control on everything from health care to small business and that’s not the right direction for us.

What I am saying is that we need to challenge Obama on the basis that his ideas are the wrong ones—not attacking him personally. If people spend their time repeating a bunch of internet driven drivel about his middle name (he didn’t choose his anymore than I chose mine), or his race (I do sincerely celebrate that our country has moved to a place where a person’s race doesn’t limit him from aspiring to the highest office in our land, but I just believe that due to his proposals and lack of substantive experience, he’s gone far enough—not because of his race, but because of his sincere, but misguided proposals), or his church (there are far more important reasons for us to elect Senator McCain than where Obama went to church).

Politics ought to be VERTICAL and Obama’s ideas will not take this country UP, but DOWN. I think he is a sincere and obviously a very intelligent and charismatic person. For us to deny that is foolish. Our focus should be to logically and systematically explain why ideas really do matter and why some are bad for those struggling as it is to pay the rent.

Elections ought to be about elevating the best ideas and exposing the worst ones—not engaging in character assassination with half truths, innuendoes, and disputable “internet facts.”

I hope you’ll keep the dialogue going and be a part of HuckPAC. I enjoy reading your posts—even the ones from those who use the blog to attack me. The reason I don’t respond to all of that is 2 fold: 1. I have other things to occupy my time than answering every critic; and 2. You guys—the HuckPAC family do a better job anyway!

Hope you are having a good week and continue to pray for our friends in the Midwest suffering from the devastating floods.

Sayonara,
Mike Huckabee

Rainbow 4.28.08

2008-04-30T23:02:00.004-05:00

Check out this gorgeous rainbow from Monday! This rainbow was a full arch!!

There is a second arch in this... you can just see it.

You can see the second reflection also showing up in this shot. It is barely there, but there. The video shows it better.

I love seeing rainbows! The sky view is just perfect to see them from our home!

4.28.08

Gas Prices

2008-04-25T23:48:00.004-05:00

What in the world is up with gas prices??!!

I found a couple of receipts in my car and was just doing some comparison. I have cut down, number one, on the amount that I am driving. I cut out any unnecessary or extra driving if I could avoid it. Thus, this has gotten me down to one fill-up a week for my normal driving habits (not including business). Before I was filling up about every 5 days due to commuting, etc. My normal fill-up day is Wednesday.

Looking back two weeks ago on the 9th of April, I spent $3.21/gallon on gas. The following week on the 16th of April, I filled up for $3.35/gallon. This past Wednesday, I filled up for $3.54/gallon!

What in the world???

The increase each week is staggering. I just don't get it. Exxon posted profits in the billions and the only flimsy excuse they could give the government is that their profit margins were in line with other companies. What other companies?

Do these crack heads have any idea how they are affecting the little guy... us? Not only is it costing us more to fill up, but these high prices are pushing up all the other prices in our economy too! Golly gee, we can't get eggs for less than $1.75 anymore hardly! What is that?

I was looking forwards to the economic stimulus check, which our government really couldn't afford to give in the first place thus lowering the US dollar's value even more by printing money to make up for it, but now it looks as though we will spend it in gas and/or food. How sad is that? We can only "stimulate" the economy with stuff we need and can't afford anymore anyways. Ugh.

Sadly, Rodney and I are spending probably close to $500 minimum on gas every month. Having two cars and being separated during the week doesn't help!

I have a picture of me standing in front of a gas sign in the snow holding my parents' dog Sophie in my coat in the winter storm of 2000. The gas prices, if I recall correctly, weren't more than $1.15/gallon. Oh, the good ole' days!

I guess when we get old, we will tell "our children" how we used to be able to fill up for so cheap at $8.00/gallon. LOL. Not really funny though. But there is no other way to really respond because anger just makes us old. Hmm.

Chipotle Mexican Grill

2008-03-28T00:32:00.007-05:00

Ok. So I don't eat out much. Nor would I have ever thought I would fall in love with anything from a "fast food" chain. However, I am in love with Chipotle's Chicken Fajita Burrito. It is super awesome. I have had it twice and I could have it again and again.

I was first introduced to Chipotle about a month ago. My friend Julieanna and I got together for lunch in Chapel Hill and decided to go there. I wasn't sure what to expect. I was pleasantly surprised. While the number of their menu items is relatively limited, the food is excellent. It is fresh and prepared in front of you.

I would go as far to say that I like Chipotle's burritos better than Moe's or Qdoba. They are fresh and light. Basically what makes the fajita burrito good (outside of the good chicken) is this: they use an awesome cilantro-lime rice (I don't like too much cilantro, but this is just right), onions and green peppers sauteed in soy oil (instead of beans), and a plethora of toppings, of which I enjoy adding their fresh salsa, sour cream, cheese, and lettuce. I really need to try some of their other menu options, but I am totally relishing this one particular burrito.

What brought me there yesterday was a free burrito coupon. Not even I can turn down free food. It was something different from the diet of bars and slimming shakes I have been on for the past week. However, I didn't feel guilty for eating my free burrito after my low-cal week.

Chipotle has a "Food with Integrity" mission as compared to the norm of fast food. Their ingredients are mostly all-natural. I like that. Oh, and I really enjoyed the all-natural juice they had as a beverage option (pineapple, orange, and banana mix). Yum!

Random fact about Chipotle.... it is connected to McDonald's. Crazy, eh?

I like my meat, but vegans could eat well there too. =)

Unbelievable!

2008-03-14T20:52:00.002-05:00

I can't believe this.... I am frustrated and sad. We are out there to help people, and I believe we have helped and saved birds. When one can't even share a different point-of-view, it really bothers me. We were a part of this particular forum (which will remain unnamed as I won't defame them) and I just wish it could have been different.

Single parrots???? Small cages???? Handraising???? Clipped wings??? C'mon. I just can't believe that we are so controversial. This is the only forum that has ever completely disagreed with our views. We are a part of 3 other forums actively and a few others not real actively and will continue to be a part of those.

Re: handraising

Quote:

Originally Posted by Johnathan *****

Hi Rodney and Tamara,

As you know at ******** *** ****** we promote species appropriate pair keeping. Some examples of anti-species appropriate keeping - advocating or supporting single parrots, small cages, hand raising of babies, clipped wings.

I am going to have to ask you to remove the pictures you posted that make it clear your babies are hand raised. We love seeing pics of the lovebirds and we welcome you to post more pictures. However we cannot let other members think that we would promote handfeeding.

We are going to go ahead and remove the ones that we feel are inappropriate for this forum.Your lovebirds are adorable and I hope this doesn't discourage you from posting more pictures of them in the future.

Thank you and have a wonderful day

Johnathan

*****-
I posted for the first time in a long time today on your forum. I was angered, sad, and disappointed in the closed-mindedness of this administrator. The sad part of this all is that you invited us to join this forum and this was the very 1st forum we ever joined on the web. Even in the past when highly debatable topics came up, I have never felt so defamed, slandered, or wronged. I am sorry that we disagree with some of your views and the views of this forum. To be honest with you, when everyone just allows themselves to agree with everything that is said and not allow any other views to be discussed or shown, it shows very closed-mindedness. It hurts us, but we have decided to no longer be a part of this forum. In fact, we would ask that you remove all of threads and posts throughout this forum to protect our integrity as a credible aviary. Thanks so much for the respect you have showed us in the past.
~~Tamara (& Rodney)

This is what they saw so offensive:
**************
Now you all are in for it! I am going to post some baby pictures.
(You have been warned.)

Faith (aka Mar)

Hope (aka Tudor on top) and Faith (aka Mar on bottom)

The Hobbits

Kiwi (boy) & Gizmo (female)

Luna, Sunny, and Star (the little one)

Love (aka Jake!)

Irene (aka Joy) and Jake (aka Love)

Roxy Sky and Rainbow

Bella (aka Sunshine)

Top left, Trinket, to the right is Mango, and on the bottom is Coconut.

Cherry and Apple

Mango

One of my piano students, Mary Beth, with Trinket

All 5 Fruity Babies (with Mango's booty!)

10 Babies! (And yes, I can name everyone of 'em.)

Musical Babies! (Cookie is bottom left, Harmony is on Cookie's right)

Sapphire has actually regurgitated to Ruby!

Opal

Pearl

...and me with the biggest baby of them all, my 2.5 year-old BeBe!

~Rodney

****************
Is that post so controversial? Thank you. I didn't think so either.

Trusting in Him

2008-03-06T11:30:00.000-05:00

I find myself getting constant reminders of remembering to trust in God. He is my provider and He has never failed to come through for me. Even if it is not in the way I desire, I know that it is within His will.

Once again, I got that reminder recently.

The First Chain of Events:
As many of you know, Rodney is living up in Surry County during the week and is staying at Dennis & Terre's farm house up there. We got the recent bill (we are paying the difference in the electricity) and it was quite high. Mostly, it was a misunderstanding on how Rodney was to be heating the house to protect the pipes.

I will say that I was frustrated. I shouldn't have been because I know it is not in my control and I couldn't change it, but it wasn't what we expected. We moved some bills around and it worked out ok.

Well, Dennis & Terre decided to bless us and take care of part of that bill, and while it is always hard for me to accept blessings in that manner, I was grateful. It gave us a little more wiggle room.

The Second Chain of Events:
After church, I walked out feeling pretty good. I was grateful to God that he gave such awesome hearts to Dennis & Terre! However, how I responded to the next thing that came upon me in no way reflected my gratefulness.

My car had a flat in the church parking lot. I had ran over a roofing nail. How? When? Who knows?

Now, it was not too bad at first, but it was a small inconvenient set-back in terms of time.
After my Dad and brother Tim started working on putting the spare, I was confident that all I needed to do was mosey on down the road to the tire place where my tires are under warranty for free fixing or replacing.

However, it was not that easy. Somehow or another, the bolts and lug nuts got stripped and just driving it down the road would not be an option. This was where I emotionally responded, not only not being grateful to God for giving His blessing earlier and in having a Dad & Brother who could at least try to help me, but also by hurting my Dad's feelings by blaming him when I shouldn't have. Later on that day, I was truly ashamed of myself.

Many of you know that I have really gotten my money's worth in my AAA membership since October in dealing with my "new" car. In fact, I have towed it twice, replaced the transmission, and locked my keys in it. So, I had to get my car towed, once again (the 3rd time!), and pray that I could get it fixed that day so I wouldn't be car-less the next day. The tow went fairly well, even though I was severely unhappy for having to pay for another tow (which wasn't that expensive, but I was expecting to not have to pay for anything involved with the flat as my tire was under warranty).

All this being said, I thought I was going to get my car back that day, and, in the end, I didn't as they didn't get in all the bolts and lug nuts needed. It was Sunday, so I did give them a little slack, but again, I wasn't too happy because now I had no car for at least the first part of Monday.

Thankfully, my Dad was able to give me a ride to work the next day. Of course, I apologized for my behavior from the previous day, but he had already forgiven me.

Third Chain of Events:
Monday night was the big party. A dear lady of the church, LaVerne, was turning 90 and I had graciously agreed to take pictures for a scrapbook that would be made from the event. The party was lovely and I took some great pictures (if I do say so myself).

Well last night, Angie, LaVerne's daughter, blessed me with some compensation. I had in no way expected to be compensated. In fact, I had agreed to the task thinking I was just helping out! I was helping out, and feeling honored to be even asked to take on that task. I, hesitatingly, accepted the gift.

The Culmination of all 3 Chains of Events:
The kind hearts of Dennis & Terre as well as the gift from Angie almost exactly equals the amount of money we had to spend to replace the bolts and lug nuts on that wheel that had been flat.

Lessons learned:
Trust that God intends to have you learn and become a better follower of Him in all things that occur. It's how you choose to use and respond to those opportunities.

My car is a sensitive subject because I have dealt with so much concerning this particular car in the past few months. Unfortunately, I didn't initially respond to the test in the most Christian manner, but I do feel confident that I acted later according to what needed to be fixed in my life. Most of the time, I struggle mainly with issues that are out of my control. All in all, I need to constantly remind myself that God is the one in control anyways.

I get surprised probably more often than I should when God shows me that I should have trusted him all along! But, I know that I grow a little each time He demonstrates Himself in my life.

God blessed me not just monetarily (taking care of the unforeseen extra cost) but also in teaching me a lesson to relax and take heart in knowing that it will all work out in the end.
^{Psalm 139:23-24
23} Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts. ²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Aldi

2008-02-29T20:37:00.005-05:00

So, I discovered Aldi today. There was one in Greenville, but now that I think back, I don't think I ever went there during my 6 month stint.

I really liked it. Granted, you have to have a quarter deposit (which you get back by the way) to get a shopping cart, the prices were surprisingly refreshing. Most of the items you'll find at Aldi are not brand names, but I have never really been brand-name loyal. There are some generics I will avoid, some grocery store brands that aren't really that good, but then again, you might just find that some non-brand name goods are just as good as the brand names. What makes a brand name anyways? Commercials... Some brand names are lower quality than the lesser known names with which I know first hand. But, don't start me on that rant.

Anyways, back to Aldi. They did have some brand name items which were, as they advertise, "good deals!" The other brands were extremely cheap. I walked out of there with lots of good stuff and we started trying some of it tonight. We cooked a "Mama Cozzi" pizza that tasted really good. In fact, I would say it was as good as a DiGiorno Pizza. I grated some "Happy Farms" mozzarella that made it even better (of course, I always put extra cheese on our pizzas anyways). For dessert, I had some "Mercer" animal crackers that taste just like the brand name! Rodney is currently drinking some brand-name V8 splash which was a very good price.

So far, I have no complaints about the quality of products I got there. I am looking forwards to trying the whole pears I got there, which the produce section has not only good prices, but nice and fresh produce as well. If you like fish, they have excellent prices on frozen fish. If you like fresh meats, the prices are good there too.

Granted, I am not going to buy everything I ever need from Aldi (I am an avid online shopper as I like deals, getting paid, and delivery to my door), and I may even still visit Kroger or Harris Teeter on occasion, but it is nice to be able to get my milk for $0.30 cents cheaper when I need it, for example.

So, bring along your quarter, be prepared to bag your own groceries (cuts overhead and keeps their prices low), and save some money: Aldi is a great place to shop. They have even gone "green" only using paper bags!

Pigwidgeon's Tumor

2008-02-28T14:07:00.000-05:00

The pictures I have below are for awareness and education. In no way do I intend to "gross you out" or depict something that is offensive. There are a few "graphic shots" below the shot of myself and Pigwidgeon.

This is Pigwidgeon right after we got him last year. Shortly after we got him (at the end of April 2007), our vet didn't give him a very good prognosis. He has lived longer than any of us ever thought he would and it is probably partially due to the better diet and companion he has with Hedwig. She really livened him up!

Well, his tumor has grown. I took him to the vet yesterday along with the babies. Originally, I thought I wouldn't need to, but Pigwidgeon had regurgitated on himself yesterday morning. This is one sign that the tumor could be affecting how he feels overall. He only has regurgitated on himself two other times, but it still frightens and upsets me when I find him after he has. As you can see, his lower abdomen is swollen.

What you are seeing here is actually his gizzard protruding out (like his intestines). Above it, I think you can see part of the tumor. Dr. Burkett has given him another 3-6 months prognosis, but who knows? He could surprise us! After we got home from the vet, Pigwidgeon seemed to be his normal (well, normal for him as of now) self again.

By the way, as we arrived to see Dr. Burkett, another woman was leaving with her budgies who had just been diagnosed with tumors as well. This is a heart-breaking normality seen in many budgies obtained from pet stores who get their budgies from breeders who do not control inbreeding. Click here for the original prognosis post from last year and info about the early symptoms of a tumor.

I love him. He is very dear to me. I will miss him, but I will also enjoy and cherish the time I have left with him.

Annoyed...

2008-02-13T16:16:00.008-05:00

I consider myself a sensible and nice Christian lady, but there are times when people annoy me. I have been especially annoyed with people who make snap judgments and give us flack (even behind our backs) without first asking for clarification.

Mainly, this all has to do with our aviary business (not the products but our babies). It all started with a YouTuber who must have emailed us asking us about prices. When we shared our prices with them, they eventually made a comment on one of our videos. Now, I have the full right to remove comments I don't like or ones that have crudeness, spite, cussing, etc in them which I do not approve of. Well, when I removed the comment that mentioned our pricing and that expressed their outright misunderstandings about our pricing, they immediately (how juvenile!) came back and re-commented in the same way AFTER I had sent them a PM to help clear up their misconceptions.

Ok, now, I was bold enough to leave their second comment up because two people had already replied to it (in support of us as it would seem!) with of course a couple of replies from me to clear up the misunderstandings.

Now, here is where it gets interesting. We do track hits and occasionally google ourselves to see how people can find us. Lo, and behold, we find a forum that is commenting on our pricing. Once again, people have misunderstood our pricing and before seeking clarification have bashed us as high and mighty, over-priced, etc. I do believe people are entitled to their opinions as long as they have all the information to back it up. However, if you are going to misquote, misunderstand, bash us, etc., then how does that reflect on you? I think pretty poorly.

Why do you think we don't post our prices on the web???? For the very reason that people can completely misunderstand and dismiss us as over-priced and high & mighty.

Now, if they really took the time to get to know us, as ALL of our clients have at least attempted to do, then they would realize we do not consider ourselves to be all-knowing, high & mighty, or holier than thou!

I truly believe that when pricing becomes the issue over quality and finding another member of the family, then they probably weren't the right home for our babies in the first place. Remember, we aren't just looking to unload our babies onto just anyone. I do understand about finding deals. Believe me, I like a deal just like anyone else, but when it comes to the important things in life, "a good-deal" usually doesn't cut it (from my experiences).

I also get annoyed with people who aren't honest with us. We really do try and find the right homes for our birdies, and will really go out of our way to do so. With gas prices these days and the value of our time, our mere willingness to do whatever it takes should at least be a small indicator of our high integrity and how much we care about our birds. We don't just let anyone come in and adopt.

When we recommend a bird to someone, we make sure that they have as much access to that bird as possible. If it is a long distance client and they can come in and visit the bird before they take it home, that is great! If not, we hope that they can trust us at least a little bit since we are so "out-there" throughout the entire raising of each clutch. We post videos, pictures, answer questions, talk on the phone, everything!

Hypothetically speaking, if a long distance client expressed interest in adopting our one of our babies, couldn't come and meet the baby ahead of time, but then met the baby on the day they were to adopt and didn't like them, then they wouldn't have to adopt it! We wouldn't charge them a thing for the time and energy it took for us to try and find a home for that baby. We do understand business, you know!

To get this off my chest, we really do make our babies worth the price. When you get one of our birds, you don't just get the bird and that's that. You get a vet-checked bird (included in the cost.... you try and get a new pet vet-checked and see how much it costs you, especially if you don't already have a relationship with that vet), which is a very RARE thing to get from a breeder. Having a vet checked bird reduces so much risk when you bring him/her into a multi-bird environment especially! You also get a week's worth of food/treats. You get a birth certificate. You get a handmade toy. You get extra shredables (finger traps, shredders, straws). We spend as much time as you need the day you come to pick up your baby answering questions and explaining & suggesting things. You get the ability to come in and play with your babies before they wean as much as you and I can arrange!!! You get a personal relationship forever with us. We won't abandon you. We are available for questions, suggestions, products, etc! We essentially are committing to a 15-20 year relationship with you!

Whew.... well, now I do feel better. I have gotten this off my chest. I just really feel like people should give the benefit of the doubt. We try to in everything we do, but sometimes, to protect our reputation (and yours for that matter), we just need to clear misunderstandings up! We aren't lying to you when we tell you that people, our vet, and pet stores recommend us. We know because those are where we get some of our referrals from. Why would we lie about that anyways? This isn't how we make our living, but even it it were, we wouldn't tell you something to hurt you because then it would just hurt our babies somehow too!

Just realize this. We spend A LOT of time answering emails, comments, PMs about birds and really do feel like we are making a difference. Even if we just save one bird's life through a helpful hint or suggestion, we have accomplished what we are out there to do.

Read our website. You'll find we are genuine people and, really, the money we make from selling our babies goes right back into our flock as it is.

Shopping from Home...

2008-02-04T23:32:00.000-05:00

Now this I love!
(stole it from a friend!)

Vote 2008- Do you need help making a decision?

2008-01-17T14:02:00.000-05:00

I got this email from a friend in Iowa, and I definitely think you should utilize that website!!!

We were bombarded with political ads and campaigns for months leading up to the Jan 3 Iowa Caucuses. It was overwhelming and frustrating and annoying. However, we do have an important decision to make this year. We are electing a new President. Some people live for election year, not me. I can honestly do without all the ads, debates, and he said/she said stuff. I do vote and I do believe it is important for all Americans 18 and over to vote. Have thought about who you will vote for yet? I knew what some of the candidates were about, but not all of them and not to the extent I was ready to put my support behind one of them. I tried to find stuff online and read the newspaper (that was a joke- a former co-worker once claimed that all media is controlled by the democrats except Fox News) but still had a hard time getting the info I needed.

I have found a website that was developed to help you with all of these questions. www.votehelp.org. You will be asked to answer some questions and then rank their importance to you. Based on your answers you will see how the candidates agree and disagree with you. You will get a brief overview and you will have the option of seeing the detail on each subject and where the candidate stands.

I hope this website can help you make a decision on who to vote for. Come November if you are still undecided that is OK, but please if nothing else exercise your RIGHT TO VOTE!!!!

Special Baby Story

2007-12-31T12:13:00.000-05:00

This is a very special baby. We came home last night and found this little guy on the grate in the bottom of Cody and Mia's cage. It wasn't a huge fall as Mia is sitting on these eggs in a Tupperware container at the bottom (getting a nest box ASAP). When I grabbed him up really quick after a small freakout, he was cold. I put him in my hand and, surprisingly, he was still alive!

Quickly, I warmed him by cupping my hands and blowing warm air on him. He started getting more active when I did that. We also started warming some baby food for him because his crop was nearly empty. We warmed a heating pad and prepared a brooder because we weren't sure if the baby falling out was an accident or if he was pushed out for some reason.

After feeding the little guy some food (and getting it all over him! he's so little), he was doing much better, but I was still worried. Would Mia take him back? Did she want him? He is such a cute little dutch blue!

We put him back in her nest and within a couple of minutes, she had pushed him under her wing. Within 15-20 minutes the baby was crying like normal too!

This is our miracle baby. He looks so great this morning. He has even gained weight (went from 3 grams to 4 grams). It looks as though it may have been accident that this little guy ended up out of the nest. Mia is feeding him and warming him.

I noticed this egg this morning. It has a "peck" but we don't know if it will hatch.... we'll see!

Anticipating Christmas on Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T19:48:00.000-05:00

While I know it is Thanksgiving.... I still am fully in anticipation of Christmas! I can't wait. It is my favorite holiday. I have asked Rodney for a Zune which I know I will get (he's ordering it today at a good price!).

Plus, you just can't help the Christmas Holiday Spirit. It just makes you happy.

Well, eat you some good Pumpkin Pie (my favorite!) today and sit back and relax enjoying the blessings you have had this year. Even if it was a hard year, you can be thankful that it is almost over! I am thankful for my God, my family, my friends, and my business.

Sending Babies Home

2007-10-23T00:40:00.001-05:00

Raising Lovebird babies is fun and demanding at the same time. It is hard to part with each and every one of them, but I know they are going to special homes where they will get more attention there than with us because those homes tend to have less birds to divide their attention amongst.

A tradition of ours is to take a picture of me and every baby that goes home. These are the first 9 from the last "Lucky 13" babies we had from July & August.

Sunny

Luna

Love & Joy

Star

Rainbow

Sunshine

Cherry

Apple

It does give me joy to bless others with our wonderful lovies! We are certainly on our way to breaking the lovebird stereotypes.

Life Update

2007-09-25T23:39:00.000-05:00

So, hmmm.... life. Life is busy. But, good busy that is.

Rodney is now working out of town during the week. While him having a full-time job is a blessing, I also miss him dearly during the week (and so do the fids!)! I am still working part-time during the day for the ESL program at DTCC. While having that job is good, it's not what I truly am excited about.

Many of you know my business-mindedness. I am not ashamed of it, that's for sure. The reason is that I know that I am a super-successful business woman! Currently, I am, for all intensive purposes involved in about 4 business. Sure, I clump three in one! I am very active and excited about my internet business. The payoff so far is huge in all aspects and it is only going to get better!!! Then, True Love Aviary is a hit as well! Under the TLA banner, I am Co-owner, toy-maker, and webmaster. So, all of that basically means that I help sell lovebird babies, do paperwork and taxes, make toys to sell online, and now am going to be running an online bird supply store (launching, hopefully, on Oct 1st or at least before the NC State Fair).

This is my life now and I love what I do outside of my day job. Those of you who aren't really business-minded won't really understand why this all excites me.

Some people are still wondering how I could've turned down Med School. That was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made!

Pondering a few things....
I am still grieving for my dear, sweet Angel. It's been almost 2 months since she went to the Rainbow Bridge to wait for me, and home life is not quite the same without her. This week is also the one year anniversary of the death of my Grandmother. I miss her dearly as well. The holidays will never be the same.

Yesterday, I drove to be with Julieanna as her Mommy passed away in the ICU at Baptist hospital. Her death really touched me. I love Julieanna as a sister and to see how this deep loss has affected and to know how it will affect her cuts at my heart. It was not but about 5 years ago that my own Mother could've been taken from me. Thank God she wasn't! Even still, the tears I cry are empathetic. Vicki was a true woman of God and I was honored to know her. This will be my memory of her:

(I made them do this shot. I certainly don't regret it either!)

Beyond the loss, happiness still reigns. The little lovie babies we got in the house always touch my heart when they pop out of their cage at the mere creaking open of their cage door! I also know that I am already making an impact in people's lives. That's what counts and that is what my purpose is in this life!

Remembering 9/11

2007-09-11T10:51:00.001-05:00

I love this image. Oh, how it is so symbollic. Our troops are still out there fighting for freedom. They are true heroes and I totally respect their bravery.

I certainly shall never forget! I remember where I was. I remember watching the tragedy as it occurred. I remember the tears I shed and holding hands. I remember classes cancelled. It's sad that even the younger people have no real recollection of that day. It is a day that changed our country. I shall never forget.

You all really need to hear the piece my hubby wrote in memoriam to 9/11. It'll make you cry.

Never forget.

Meet my Neighbor...

2007-08-24T00:04:00.001-05:00

The Praying Mantis!!!It was just chillin' outside my apartment!!

Happy Birdday Evee!

2007-08-19T10:57:00.000-05:00

Happy 1st Year Birthday Evee!

She was so tiny; our first hand-raised baby! (12 hours)

She amazed us so much! She grew fast! (2 weeks)

Look at the black going away!! (3 months)

We love our Evee!!! Happy Birdday Darlin'!!

The Rainbow Bridge

2007-08-14T11:16:00.000-05:00

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Tragedy

2007-08-01T00:16:00.001-05:00

I don't have the heart right now to write about my Angel. Just know that she was one of my children, one of my fids (feathered kids), and I am having a hard time dealing with her passing and loss. I can't stop crying and only really just want her back.

Cool Lightning Storm in Raleigh on 7/17/07

2007-07-20T23:49:00.000-05:00

Next time, I will use my tripod so the picture is steady!

I took several videos from my deck, but I thought this one was the best. I also enjoy the sound of the rain and my chimes while listening to this video!

Happy Birdday BeBe!

2007-07-15T20:59:00.000-05:00

He is 2 years old today!!!

He is our original!

BeBe was 3 months old in this shot!

It is amazing to see how much he has changed in color and personality!

He is gorgeous with his adult colors now!

This was last year's birthday present! He was playing in it today.

After getting to visit with his friends at the Raleigh-Durham Caged Bird Society today, he got his new birthday present (bought in New Bern yesterday!)! Yay for toys!

Blessed

2007-07-04T23:39:00.000-05:00

Something really hit me. We were watching a video in the Campus Ministry class on the 4^th of July and I was really struck by a statement that was made. We sing the song and place the bumper stickers on our cars: “God Bless America.” Really, God has blessed America as a whole. Did you know that if you own a car, you are in the top 8% of the world?! 1 billion people in our world live on $1 or less! Those are just two of the staggering statistics of those of us who the world would call “rich” or “blessed.”

Yet, there are still many out there within our blessed country that would be called, “poor” or “homeless.” How do we help these people without encouraging or supporting their lifestyle? Most of the homeless out there, I would gander to say, are not homeless because they want to be, they just are. Some are from the habits they are trying to kick. Others choose to be.

A lot of people are scared to even talk to them, when many of these men and women are good people. They hardly ever get the chance to have a good conversation with someone, none the less someone to pray with them or for them, or feed and clothe them.

Matthew 25:34-40 says:

³⁴Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

³⁷ Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

⁴⁰ The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

I prayed with a man who just wanted healing. He was grateful for the food and clothing we brought him, but he wanted to get back on the right track with God. One man wanted to visit our church. How will we receive him? With out-stretched arms? One man, I talked to and prayed with, wanted to quit drinking so that he get his life turned around and use his story for the glory of God. This same man, when we approached him asking if he was hungry, stood up and shouted, “Yes! Thank you Jesus, I was just talking about being hungry!”

Not every person we talked to wanted to get their life straight with God. In fact, two men I talked with were angry with God. They couldn’t understand why He had put them in this situation. They told me to “tell God to leave [them] alone!” These are the people who we have to reach even more. The lost. The ones whom God tells us to stretch His love out to. The simple act of feeding them and clothing them is one way to do this.

I remember, as a child, going out with our church and my family to feed the homeless. I remember visiting the shelters and giving out clothing. I remember visiting the women’s shelter. Reaching outside, beyond our walls, is important! It leaves a lasting impression not only on the people that you touch, but on yourself as well.

Matthew 9:35-38 lays out just one example of Jesus’ way with people, the lost:

³⁵Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. ³⁶When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. ³⁷Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. ³⁸Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” (Emphasis added)

We have only wet our feet with this outreach. What are we going to do? What are we going to give? How can we help? Where is our compassion? We need to be workers in His harvest and look beyond “I.” We truly are blessed! Thank you Jesus!

Choices (Poem)

2007-06-27T00:22:00.000-05:00

How do we decide?
Are we in it just for the ride?
Life is about the choices we make
Are we thinking for Christ’s sake?
If we choose not to grow
Then it it’s the bad seeds we sow
Many circumstances can affect outward
But how we respond reflects inward
Think on what Jesus would do
Ignore the devil’s coo
Even then we may face many consequences
Because of our own busted fences
Yet when we fall
We can climb back up towards His call
It’s a decision made in His trust
For salvation, that decision is a must!

By Tamara Money
© TRM 2007

2 Year Anniversary

2007-06-25T17:30:00.000-05:00

Ah, how quickly it seems time has passed! Honestly, Rodney and I can hardly believe it's been 2 years. For us, it seems like just yesterday! For others, they think we have been married forever!
I tell you what, I asked my hubby today what he thought about it having been 2 years and he said, "It's like the honeymoon!" AMEN!

I hope we never get past the honeymoon stage. I want to be a perpetual honeymooner!

Stealing the idea from a friend of mine (Jessica), I think I will write down a few titles of the chapters of our marriage book (should we ever write one based on our experiences):

The Marriage is more important than the Wedding
The Wedding Day... thank goodness it's over!
Honeymooners... Honk at them
Holding hands is not taboo
"Oops" and "Sorry" are ok in Bed!
Feeling fulfilled
Understanding the Husband/Wife Role
God-centered Marriage
Finances are up and down... just push through the down
Finding happiness together
Compromising
Together, but independent too
Find common ground
Be Bird Brained (Sometimes)
Unconditional Love
Inside Jokes

Well, that's all I can think of now.
I am grateful to God for 2 wonderful years of memories and love!

I love you, Rodney!

Pigwidgeon's Prognosis

2007-06-14T23:17:00.000-05:00

It saddens me to tell you this, but my baby Pigwidgeon definitely has cancer. It is testicular cancer, and while he has no swelling in his abdomen as of yet, Dr. Burkett said that the prognosis is not good. He's giving Piggy 3-6 months. So, we have definitely entered into a "budgie hospice care" stage with him.

I am upset even though I knew it was coming. I really do love him, even though he's only been in our lives about a month now (rescued!). There were some good things that came from the vet visit today. Pigwidgeon has gained weight (yay for not being underweight anymore!) and his beak has stopped growing as fast (perhaps his liver is doing much better now!).

Testicular cancer is typically seen in budgies that are inbred. This is a huge problem in pet stores. Many of the breeders they get these birds from allow inbreeding to happen. Little Pigwidgeon is only three years old! He's at the end of his life even though he should've/could've lived another 10-15 years! The biggest indication is his cere. It should be a beautiful blue color, but it is a dark brown. Later on down the line, Pigwidgeon will have trouble breathing and his tail bob will be the indication that it is getting hard for him.

Piggy is my first ever budgie. I love talking to him. He makes cute sounds back at me. He also sings in the mornings. Otherwise he is very quiet, unless the lovebirds are annoying him! He rides on my shoulder and sometimes will even let me get in there and preen his head good!

I will cry when he goes to heaven. Losing a pet is never easy. It makes me happy to imagine him in heaven with my Grandma though. She passed away last September, and in the last months of her struggle with ALS, one thing that always perked her up was when we brought over our birds!

Dr. B says this is a typical case and that there is nothing we can do but make him comfortable and give him the best months of his life. That, I know, we can do!

A good picture....

2007-06-13T00:03:00.000-05:00

At least I think so!
This is a portrait we got done when the whole Money clan got portraits done!

What is that shiny thing??

2007-06-08T17:26:00.001-05:00

Haha!!!! I love it! Check the video out:

Gizmo: "I have to protect Kiwi from the shiny thing!"

Kiwi: "There's a shiny thing? LOOK AT THIS BALL!"

Took the plunge.....

2007-06-04T20:27:00.000-05:00

So, I did it. I took the plunge. I sent in the letter! Yes, that letter. The one.

There's a real sense of peace in it all. I also felt very much in control and like I was the one with the power. Not that I want to be like some of those medical schools who send rejection letters, but I essentially rejected medical school itself.

Why? Oh, why, Tamara?
Well, let's just say it isn't for me. Especially not right this moment. It seems that there are more important things in life than a career. Family, friends, life, freedom. All these things appeal to me way more than medical school.

I just don't want to sacrifice my life for a career that would rule my life. It would take away all freedom. Seriously. Imagine: I would be studying 24/7 and really have no life. I desire to live life to it's fullest, and that includes being with my husband, loving on my nephew, spending time with my Mom & Dad, visiting my family, and being with my friends.

Frankly, I am happy with the job I have right now. It works out in the number of hours and pay (recently asked for a raise and got it) and fulfills my desire to help people. Ultimately, that's what I want to do in life: help people. I can do that without being a doctor. This has been divinely revealed to me.

Perhaps medicine will be something I pursue down the line. Had I been accepted right out of college, I wouldn't have known any better and gone. But, since entering the "real world" per se, I have determined that jobs are not life. We shouldn't have to work to live or even live to work! Work does not = life!!!!

Medicine is stressful. I have seen it, read it, heard it, felt it. I desire less stress in life as it is!

I know some of you are thinking that I am crazy! Well, you could say that. I am "crazy" in love, "crazy" in life, "crazy" involved with God! It is awesome! Thank the Lord and Jesus I can be fulfilled in something other than a job!

Ok... whew. That felt good.

On another note, I am making someone on the alternate list very happy! I know how I would've felt had I gotten in off the alternate list originally. Also, I received the "summer reading" book in the mail before I "rejected" them, and it sure feels good to be reading it because I want to (looked interesting). Haha!

Amen.

High School Yearbook

2007-05-20T01:52:00.000-05:00

Trying to swart a case of slight insomnia and also looking up pictures of some people I was trying to remember how they looked in high school, I spent some time reading some of the "autographs" I got in my Senior Yearbook.

Let me tell you something.... the people I went to high school with who signed my yearbook my Senior year were so amazingly nice. So nice, in fact, that I started to cry. Yes, cry.

I totally recommend that if you need a lifter upper, that you read your high school yearbook signatures. I was amazed at how many people believed in me, said nice things about me, and just were friends to me.

Now, I don't believe that a person should live in regret, but I do believe you should take a trip down nostalgia lane and help yourself remember to be a better person to those around you.

I wish I had kept in touch with more people. Especially those who I could've.

One of the most wonderful friendships that I neglected was my friendship with Dinara Turabekova from Kyrgyzstan. Somehow, her address got misplaced, and with good intentions I had planned on getting her address from her host family, but never got the guts to "re-ask" them for it. I read the entry in my yearbook tonight and flat out cried. Every time we sing "Shine Jesus Shine" at church I think of her. She really did touch me with her life and heart while she was here, and I often reflect on how I wish I had kept in touch.

Many others tugged at my heart with their entries into my yearbook. I thank you for being so kind and encouraging in your words. I also thank you for the memories. Sometimes we reflect back and wonder what happened to "so and so." Well, you do have that chance to reconnect. And, I would do it.

Thank goodness for things like Facebook.

Also, can you believe I have been out of high school for 7 years? Whoa.

Dinara- I googled your name tonight and found it but with no contact info. I would love to reconnect! Remember Volleyball? That night on the bus? Yeah, I'm that lost friend.

You think you know me?

2007-05-16T00:38:00.000-05:00

Take My Quiz on
QuizYourFriends.com

Contemplation

2007-05-13T00:01:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been contemplating where I am right now in life. It actually amazes me to think that I'm not in life where I expected to be just a few short years ago. If you had asked me when I was college where would I be when I was at the verge of turning 25, I would have told you I would be in Medical School, in my third year, and living in Greenville, NC. Pets? Probably a parrot of some type, being that I married a parrot-guy. What would Rodney (my husband) be doing? Writing music full time and teaching music part-time. Kids? Probably after medical school.

Where am I now? Well...... Let's just say, not quite what I pictured, but probably happier now than if I had been where I thought I would've been.

I am a Mommy to 4 wonderful pet parrots for one (+ 2 breeders/pets). I am an Aunt on MY side of the family (WOW! who would've thought that???). I am fulfilled taking care of my home (that one has got to be the craziest of all). I turned down medical school for the fall (holy moley!). We don't want kids (hey, I got a baby nephew... I'm all good in the diaper dept there). I am coming up on 2 YEARS (yes, unbelievable!) of marriage. I feel like a newly wed still even though I am a bit of a veteran now (when your single friends come to you for "marriage bed" info, you know you've been married a little while longer!). I own 2 businesses (me, business owner? who would've thought.... not me!)!

Why is all this relevant? Well, I am turning 25 years old in August and I am still learning that there is no real way to "plan" your life. See, we all end up with unexpected obstacles in our lives. The decisions you make surrounding those circumstances truly make you who you are. That is a pretty cool thing too because, then, at least you can try and make the right decisions in your life.

Hindsight can be depressing at times, but then again, it can also give you insight to why certain things didn't go as "planned." That is when you can see the directions God led you to get you where you are now.

I love the motto, "Who you are is God's gift to you, and who you become is your gift to God." It is so true. God doesn't force you to make certain decisions. He opens doors and closes doors for a reason. It's trusting Him and knowing that He has 20/20 foresight! Man, sometimes I wish we had that so that then we could "plan" our lives. But then there would be no surprises!

Congrats Class of '07!

2007-05-09T22:26:00.000-05:00

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Oh, the places you'll go!!!!

Vanessa- You amaze me! I know you are going to do awesome things in your life. You certainly teach me what's important in life. I just wish you the best in all and for God to truly help you touch your kids' lives as a teacher!

Marty- You are a doll! I always enjoy being around you. I am so glad you are sticking around here. I love your joy in life!

Andy- What can I say? You are awesome. You make me laugh. I know I am going to miss your funny comments and hilarious antics. I am so sad for all those folks who will never get to ride your Wolfline bus!

Brent- I pray that you will bless many people with your life. You definitely have been a blessing to me. My life certainly wouldn't be very interesting without you! Thanks for your hugs (& kisses... haha!), your happiness, and for always being a great friend/brother to me!

My Nephew Andrew (Video)

2007-05-03T18:08:00.000-05:00

A short of my nephew Andrew "talking" and then giving us a surprise fart!! He is 2 and a half months old!

Haha!!!!!!!

My New Baby

2007-05-02T15:44:00.000-05:00

Introducing.... Pigwidgeon!He's an American Normal Green Budgie (Parakeet). His is hand-tame and sweet. He is a little shy right now as we have only had him for 48 hours! But he will step up and cuddle our necks. He is also a good forager!

He is a rescue from our downstairs neighbors who were moving out and couldn't take him.

Unfortunately, he won't be able to play with our lovebirds (lovebirds can be aggressive to smaller birds).

We took him to the vet yesterday and he definitely has some health issues. He was underweight, had an overgrown beak (due to Fatty Liver Disease from an all-seed diet), and possibly may have a testicular tumor (not sure about this one; his cere has a small brown spot where it should be blue. We will do another vet check next month to see if it is worse or better and maybe then know for sure).

Normally, we don't take in birds as we are definitely crowded enough around here, but we made a special case for Pigwidgeon.

Celebrity Look-Alikes

2007-04-20T23:40:00.000-05:00

Me:

My Hubby:

North Carolina Girls

2007-04-19T21:28:00.001-05:00

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Alabama and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done.

The second man had married a woman from Florida . He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a North Carolina girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and telephone a landscaper.

Got to love them North Carolina Girls. Yee-haa!

Babies!

2007-04-08T22:57:00.000-05:00

I am having so much fun with and love all the babies in my life right now!

Sweet little ones!

Cuddle monkies!

Weeeeee!!! Just having fun!

Healing

2007-04-02T09:56:00.000-05:00

Deep down I hurt
Yet with sin, I flirt
I know He’s my Provider
But in His arms, I am no rider
He calls me to His rest
It is all a big healing fest
You see, Jesus was there for me
He plucked me from the raging sea
He showed me how to love
To others, I could be as sweet as a dove
It’s all about relationships
He doesn’t want us to be a sinking ship
He is our salvation and rock
In our hearts, we only need put the key in the lock
So that when comes the knock
We won’t waste anymore of our life’s clock.

By Tamara Money
© 2007 TRM

It's the Simple Things

2007-03-20T23:59:00.000-05:00

Have you ever just sat down and thought about the little things you like or don't like?

I was driving home from my business meeting tonight thinking about them, so I thought I'd share.

You know, I will slow down (safely) driving on Aviation/Airport Dr in Raleigh to allow a plane to fly over top of my car? Yes, I have even come to a complete stop between the two lakes, waiting for that glorious roar. At first, I wasn't sure why I liked it so much. As I thought about it some more, I realized it was the memories it invoked. I remember when Grandma and I would go to a park near Pope Air Force Base and just watch the planes fly over while playing on the swings. I just think planes are cool.

I like to look at deer (live) on the side of the road. My deer goggles are quite keen and I see A LOT of deer on the side of the road at night all over the place, but mainly on Aviation Dr and I-40. They are cool to look at, as long as they aren't running in front of my car, into my car, etc. I still get that tense feeling like they might, and on occasion, while passing by, have beeped my horn so they will look up at me (hopefully they weren't alarmed and ran in front of the next car). I have seen/heard of many a deer accident, but that doesn't deter me from liking to see a pack of deer on the side of the road.

I like it when the temperature is 68 degrees. It's just perfect. Not too hot and not too cold. Perfect. Plus, I can just open the windows and turn off the heat/AC.

I hate being late. I just do.

I like classical music on when I read. There's just something about music without words that keeps my mind attuned to what I am reading and makes it more enjoyable.

In fact, I really only like Classical and Contemporary Christian music. On occasion, I will listen to some good new rock songs (aka Daughtry), but my radio is rarely on any other stations other than WCPE, His Radio, and KLOVE.

I hate the news. So negative.

I like Survivor. I know. Pathetic. I also like Ellen. Yeah, she's a lesbian. But, she's funny too. I like the Price is Right. Yay for Bob. I would love to go see him before he retires. It's doubtful though.

I like the Weather Channel. Or Weather.com. Weather is fascinating to me. Plus, I want to know what tomorrow will be like. Rodney just thinks I should go outside the day of to figure it out. I just want to be prepared.

I like a good artistic/symbolic film. Even ones with subtitles. I like good puzzle films or films that tie back in with the clues already presented. Ooooo, I like it!

I like it when my birds snuggle with me. It's the softness of their feathers on my cheek or neck.

I like to take pictures. Lots of them. It's fun. Plus, the feeling of accomplishment after taking a good shot, finishing a scrapbook, etc is awesome.

I like lightning, but not thunder. Thunder is scary. Lightning is beautiful and edgy.

I hate early mornings. I would rather just wake up when my body is fully rested and not to an ALARM clock (they named that right).

I hate it when my pillow falls on the ground, a bird poops on it, a dog sits on it, or an authorized person puts their hands, face, butt on it. Dude, that's where my face lays at night. Gross. I will change my pillowcase in any of those cases. I also like the smell of my pillow. Yeah, it's weird because no one else smells what I do.

I like to get into a made-bed at night. I like the look of a made-bed. It just feels better.

I hate taking showers in the morning. It draws my routine and schedule out too long. I am not a morning person as it is.

I like to eat breakfast. I love breakfast food. Not always healthy but good and tasty! I could eat breakfast food for lunch and dinner as well. So many options!

I like happy, positive people. That's probably why I am in the business I am in. They fill my happy tank up.

I like babies. Not babies of my own. Other people's babies when they are sweet and not screaming. I like it when a baby falls asleep in my arms or on my chest. It just feels right. (still do not want one from my womb though)

I get fulfilled taking care of my home. Yep, never thought I'd say that, but I would love to be a housewife. No, I wouldn't get stir crazy. There are many things I could do if I were job-free. It's coming soon....

Cute Updated Pics of Andrew

2007-03-09T17:32:00.000-05:00

TLC

Baby-Daddy time!

Aww... sickeningly cute!

Cry Babies! (I love this shot of my Dad!)

Plus Size Models

2007-03-04T22:58:00.000-05:00

I was watching Tyra on America's Next Top Model (yeah, I know....) and it actually irritated me. They have two models on there that they are calling "Plus Size." In fact, they were saying that models are plus size when they are size 12 or 14. I, personally, have always thought that plus sizes were 14W+. When I saw those two gals, I thought they were beautiful and definitely not Plus Size. They looked great in their swim suits and would never even consider calling them plus sized.

America's view of being skinny has always bothered me. Did you know that Size 12 is not fat? In fact, it is the size of an average American woman. I just read the book by Meg Cabot, Size 12 is Not Fat. It wasn't what I expected, but quite enjoyable. Heather, the main character, kept getting called fat and finally got her revenge at the end. Even still, I totally agree with that title.

I think that it is good for a woman to have a little bit of "meat" on her. It makes her look healthy and besides, God made us a certain way and for certain purposes anyways. Now, I don't hate skinny girls, and I do wish I weighed less (I am working on it), but I do believe that you can be healthy even at a heavier weight or larger size.

Beyond everything, I think that our country should promote being healthy rather than skinny. This is especially needed in the entertainment industry.

Oh, and SIZE 12 IS NOT FAT!

Lovebird's Concerto

2007-03-01T01:25:00.000-05:00

Check this out! A professional painter, Jamie Grossman in New York, painted our BeBe! If you are interested in checking out her work, this is a link to the original post and her blog! She sells her paintings, so you will have an opportunity to purchase the painting of BeBe if you so desire!

This is the original shot!

Dog versus Camera

2007-02-26T23:24:00.000-05:00

Apparently, Sophie still doesn't like cameras!

Live action proof!

Being an Aunt

2007-02-25T23:08:00.000-05:00

Andrew William Stuart

February 19, 2007
6:07am

7lbs 12 oz

21 inches

Some people would call me a fanatical or camera happy Aunt. I am not denying those accusations at all. I certainly have taken enough pictures of the little tyke to make even a full album and he is only a week old!

But how do I really feel about being an Aunt? I am absolutely thrilled. I was even asked at one point before Andrew was born about how I was coping. Coping? Coping with what? My brother and sister-in-law having a baby before me? No need for coping as I still don't even want kids. How do I explain that to regular people? I just nod and smile and say, "I'm great."

I could fit the role of mother well, I just don't want to be. Well, technically, I am a bird Mom.

The real question is how do I feel about my brother being a Dad? That's a real loaded question! It is still surreal to me. I can hardly believe it. Now, his life fully revolves around his baby and taking care of his wife.

What do I think of my nephew? Well, me being the biased Aunt that I am, I think he is the most beautiful baby ever. But, that's just me. Now, I am not discounting the 6 nieces and nephews that Rodney came with. Andrew is just the first "blood" baby that we have in our family. For that, he will be the most spoiled rotten (being the first grandbaby for both sets of grandparents).

I will say that it is amazing to me that God made Andrew. I could just sit there and stare at the beauty of His creation. In fact, the other day I just sat there and stared at the little fella for a hour. God is good!

Grief Share

2007-02-13T14:55:00.000-05:00

What is grief? When/how should you experience it?
I'm sure you are probably wondering why I am writing a blog on grief; especially since my Grandmother passed away at the end of last September (not that long ago, but long enough to some). Well, because it is a part of our lives. I'm going to come out and say it: I am grieving right now, and it is okay that I am.

What? Me? Grieving? Yes!
It's amazing. I never realized this, but I have never truly grieved, at least in a healthy way, until recently. Thus, I am grieving for almost every loss I have ever had in my life right now. It is a process that I must go through and unless you are grieving yourself, you won't truly understand me.

But wait, Tamara, I have been around you recently and you seem so happy.
Well, yes I am happy. I am happy with life. But, that doesn't mean that, inwardly, there is nothing I am dealing with. Obviously, it is grief as I have already revealled.

So, let me explain.
My immediate family hasn't really lost anyone in about 10 years. However, we have dealt with losses. Whether it be a loss of a job, friend, mentor, church member, trust, and even debt and loneliness can be considerred a loss. When you combine all of these things, it is no wonder one might grieve in life.

Starting in about November, I joined a GriefShare class at church. I forsook my other Bible study to discover what I really needed. It was people who understood loss and could relate to me. As I started to study the books and videos, I realized that I was grieving more that just in the loss of my Grandmother. I always knew that I have a tender heart and tend to grieve when others grieve. Even with my choleric personality, I still feel sadness when others do, especially with my close friends and extended family. In fact, it is Biblical to rejoice when others rejoice, and grieve when others grieve.

Now, don't go feeling sorry for me. I am not wallowing in grief. My daily life isn't worse because I am grieving; in fact, it is far from being anything out of the normal. Mostly, the grief is in my head and heart.

I have gone through, probably, the hardest two years of my life. Whether it be through loss, finances, family matters, etc., I still have dealt with more than I ever have! But, I am inwardly peaceful about it all. It's just a matter of dealing with it emotionally. My faith struggled only minutely and waivered in a few instances (in terms of maturity), but overall, God has been good to me.

The healthy way of dealing with grief is not only associating yourself with people who understand (for example in GriefShare) but also with people who aren't dealing with grief (aka happy people kindof like my business partners). I move on in my daily life knowing that I, perhaps, will get over my grief faster than others, and that I can be an asset to my friends, family, and church through it.

It's the little instances that show me that I am moving on and recovering from the process of grief. I dreamed about my Grandmother (and she was healthy in the dream though she appeared momentarily). In my waking hours, I still tend to remember/picture her when she was sick. Thus, I still have a little bit of a ways to go, but it is better.

However, I am on the tail end, moving through the journey of grief!

Baby Time

2007-02-07T12:00:00.000-05:00

So, when do you think Andrew William will be born? Rachel's belly is so healthy (aka Huge!). I still think it'll be February 10th, even though her due date is not until February 23rd. I am ready for a little boy to cuddle and hold. Oh wait, that's Rodney. Hehe!

Anyways, post a comment with the date you think Andrew will be joining us on Planet Earth.

More Snow!

2007-02-01T14:05:00.001-05:00

Take 2!

Snow! (1/18/07)

2007-01-27T01:52:00.000-05:00

Good Friends, Good Times

2007-01-17T00:51:00.000-05:00

God brings amazing people into my life. They have a profound impact on my life in many ways and they sometimes don't even realize they do! One particular person is my friend Sunny. Sunny and I met through the FriendSpeak Program at my church. She wanted to practice English on a more one-on-one basis, and I wanted to get to know a new friend.

Crazily enough, our first ever meeting was cancelled because someone hit Sunny's car on her way to meet me. Finally, we got together and we formed a deep, personal relationship with one another. Even though she is "a bit" older than me, we bonded spiritually and relationally. We could share intimate details of our lives and struggles and love and support each other.

She probably taught me more than I truly taught her. I learned so much about Korea, culture, and what it is like to be a foreigner (even though I never thought of her as one) in America. She taught me, through her example, how to be a good wife, friend, Christian sister, prayer warrior, and mother.

Now, she is headed back to Korea. I can't say that I won't miss her, because I really will miss her A LOT. She is my sister in Christ and I am a better person because of her. I look forwards to keeping in contact and seeing her when she visits (her daughter will stay here) and when I can go see her in Korea.

I will be sad when she goes back and will miss our weekly meetings. She truly has a heart for God and wonderful spirit.

Sunny- Thanks for loving me for who I am and for your loving, Christian heart. North Carolina won't be the same without you! ~Tamara

Pregnant Lady! (Pictures)

2007-01-08T23:15:00.000-05:00

My Beautiful Sister-In-Law!

Awww... cute future parents of Andrew William!

Crazy Daddies!

(Well, Rodney is a Lovebird Daddy and Thomas is a soon to be Human Baby Daddy!)

This is such a cute picture. I love touching that belly! Hey, I have permission!

Crazy Antics!

2006-12-26T23:27:00.000-05:00

Just another day in our lives!
(Note the picture of BeBe trapped in our curtain scarf!)

Got Two ASU!

2006-12-16T21:29:00.000-05:00

28-17: ASU takes two

Yes, champions.

AGAIN!

WooHoo!

It did get a little bit nail-bitting after they scored first and then we tied at 14. However, I have been speaking all week that we would win. And we did!

I feel proud to be an Appy once again. Not that I ever waned on being a proud Appy. It's just fun flaunting my alumnus status.

Anyways, I just wanted to flaunt it again.

On a side note, I can't believe I have been out of school for a full 3 years. Wow. That's weird.

How Great!

2006-12-11T12:04:00.000-05:00

Hope is kept alive
As everyday we are made new!
Not once a year,
Or once a month,
Or even once a week,
But everyday!
As relational, beyond faithful, believers,
We live when death should become us!
Awaiting our eternal homecoming on the horizon!
How great are these new beginnings!
Washed Clean, the scarlet stains are gone!
Taken on for us…
Love beyond all, unconditional!

© TRM 2006

The Story of BeBe

2006-12-06T22:26:00.000-05:00

This is the story I submitted for a Pet Contest through the African Lovebird Society:

I never realized that there was something missing in my life. I was shocked when I realized it was my lovie, BeBe (Dutch Blue Pied Peach-Faced Lovebird). You see, I knew when I got married that I was marrying a parrot person. I had never owned a parrot in my life! I was under complete misconceptions about parrots in general. Then, we were approached with a decision to accept one of the smallest parrots into our family. Honestly, I had no idea what I was getting into and the love that I would experience for so small a life.

BeBe was a wedding present to my husband and I. He became part of our family in mid-October 2005. He was about 3 months old, but not yet weaned. The story goes that at the home of the breeders, BeBe had actually died. He got too cold and the man of the house saved BeBe by reviving him. BeBe had been almost weaned at that point, but reverted back to his baby stages and wouldn’t get out of them until he was almost 6 months old.

Some people would call BeBe spoiled. I would merit saying, instead, that he is extremely spoiled, well, and extremely loved. We consider him our child, so, in essence, we are normal parents in wanting to give BeBe the best life. People noticed a difference in him right away. Suddenly, we were breaking the bad rap that lovebirds had gotten. The exposure of sweet, loving, playful lovebirds was coming out through our very own baby.

BeBe has always had the most awesome toys. His cage is a plethora of stimulation. However, he remains outside of his cage most of the time. He loves his Penn-Plax playground and Hide-N-Peek Ball especially. Some people might call us extravagant in how we spoil our birds. I just call it a good investment into a long and happy life with them.

People are impressed with BeBe. Though he is small in size, he still stands out in a crowd of other birds. He knows a number of tricks and also how to get into trouble! He prefers to eat off of our plate and go down our shirts. That doesn’t quite work out when we have guests. In one instance, we had a couple over that we were friends with. I was called to rescue BeBe when he went down the shirt of the female guest!

He loves to give kisses. I suspect that if given the chance, he would just kiss me all day. If I ask him if he loves me, he makes a kissing noise at me. Sometimes you will catch him kissing every person he visits when we take him out. Another way he shows his affection for us is by regurgitating on us. Most of the time, it is him going through the motions rather than really anything coming up.

He loves to play “Where’s BeBe?” which is basically a version of Peek-a-boo. He has a great, unique call when he comes out and I say, “There’s BeBe!” It was that call that helped reunite us when he accidentally flew out the door.

After his first molt, we decided to let him keep his flight feathers for a little while. That was until I frightened him when I was putting a box outside my front door. Never in my life, have I been so upset and scared. He took off out and around our apartment building out of my sight. I dashed down the stairs and started calling his name in hysterics. Then I heard the most beautiful sound. He called back to me. Soon, BeBe was back in my arms. I truly didn’t realize how much I loved him until I almost lost him. Needless, to say, I was truly blessed to have him back as many people are not so fortunate.

BeBe loves to snuggle. He loves doing his tricks. One of the funniest antics he has is when he imitates a helicopter. He makes the chopping sound and moves around in circles. He also likes to imitate a circus elephant by trying to balance himself on a ball. He loves to play fetch, of course, as we “fetch” and he throws. We’ve been working on one trick for a year now, and I finally think he’s got it down. I ask him if he has fleas, and he pulls his little agile leg over his wing and scratches his head. Of course, his favorite rewards are verbal praise and head rubs!

We decided recently to share our little blessing by raising lovebirds with a similar demeanor. BeBe’s true quality comes out in how he is an example to the new babies. He pays attention to them and cares about them, even so much as to try and regurgitate to them. Many of our new babies have weaned faster by watching BeBe and his actions. He cares so much for other birds that he sometimes risks his own life to visit with birds much bigger than him! We all know, however, that lovebirds are big birds in little bodies anyways.

Most of all, BeBe has taught me how to love deeper and be more patient. We are his flock, his family, his mate. He has given me a new reason to get up early every morning, to play more, and has taught me how to be a better person. I think it is all in learning to love and care for the smallest of deliveries into our lives.

Promoted

2006-12-04T22:58:00.000-05:00

My heart is absolutely broken. Again.
D.B. was promoted to heaven today and I can't help but feel it is unfair.
I look out at the stars through my paladian window and wonder why life has to hurt so much sometimes. I know that death is but a beginning, however, I am still here. I continue to remain, to endure. Not that I am planning on leaving anytime soon, but I do long for my eternal home. There I don't have to feel my heart break.

I loved him. I don't feel like loving such a small life is dumb. In fact, loving D.B. made me understand how to love better in all aspects of my life.
I can't sit here and not tell you that I don't have my feelings of upsettedness. Of wondering why or if we should continue to breed birds. I'm somehow not sure I can endure any more losses. Loss has become such an immediate part of my life over the past months.

I held him in my hand when he died. I was begging him not to leave his mommy. I told him I loved him and kissed him repeatedly. Yet, he still left me. Last night he gave me many goodbye kisses. Sometimes I wonder if God prompts me to have pictures taken of our babies' last hours of life. The same occurred when the other little one died. This one hurts more though. I poured my heart into him. Somehow I thought my love would help him survive today. More than anything, however, I believe my love helped him leave in peace and happiness.

I prayed a special prayer tonight. I asked God to put a hedge of protection over my other babies. Even my not so little babies. They are apart of my family and hold places in my heart. God put those placecards in my heart for them. My love for my babies comes out in all aspects of my life and teaches me to be a better and more patient person.

I also prayed to the Lord for Him to place my losses in the hands of someone to take care of them until I get to heaven and can take over the job. Somehow, I feel that someone, maybe Grandma, holds them close to her.

My babies are heaven's deliveries. I am not ready to give up. Somehow, our endeavor into blessing people's lives with a baby lovie to love will touch someone and make a difference. I even feel that we already have made a difference to people in the way we do love our babies. I hope we can pass that love on to others.

Until then, mis amoritas: I do love you... and I can't wait to hold you in my hand once again.

Through the Eyes of the Babe

2006-11-27T13:19:00.000-05:00

Light, sounds
Entrance into a world so cold
Love felt
Strange surroundings
Smell of Hay
Wrapped in warm swaddling
Faces, many Faces
Grand, kingly gifts
A star, shining brightly o’er top
Worship
Foretold for many generations
Young virgin mother
Angels heard on high
Born to die, yet bring life
Purposed for salvation

© TRM 2006

Pregnant Bellies

2006-11-26T23:59:00.000-05:00

Life, recently, has been quite joyous. Despite the heart-wrenching toast that made half the table cry at Thanksgiving at Grandma's house for the last time (thanks Dad!), our family, I think, is generally happy.

Many of you know that my husband and I don't want kids (yea, still!). However, I do not think it is wrong for me to enjoy other people's pregnancies. The first pregnant belly I ever touched was a friend of mine's, Robbie's. I just asked her one day at church, and I just thought it the most interesting thing ever.

Now, before your start thinking it, I won't just touch any stranger's pregnant belly. That, truly, is out of bounds.

None of my immediate family has ever been pregnant and in close proximity, until now! Rachel is about 6 months pregnant with a boy (Andrew William) and with a proud daddy, my brother, Thomas. I guess you could say she is the 2nd pregnant belly I have touched.

I would tend to say that Rachel and I are close. I mean, we ARE family and all, but she is my sister-in-law and wife to a brother whom I am very close to. Thus, by default, we are close. The neatest thing is that she invites me to touch her belly (I do give warning!) pretty much all the time.

I felt Andrew kick for the first time on Thanksgiving day. That was an experience. I mean, my hand moved and everything. He's got one heck of a kick!

I never really realized what pregnant tummies felt like until I touched one. I guess I assumed that they were squishy and jiggly. But that's really not the case at all! They are actually quite firm! It is the neatest feeling to touch a pregnant belly and know that there is a living little person in there.

I put my ear to her belly and couldn't hear anything. We even tried a stethoscope and really just heard a lot of liquid swishing and maybe a very faint pitter-patter. The little one only weighs a little over 2 pounds, so I suspect we'll hear more when he gets bigger.

She is due in late February and we are all excited! My Mom is still not sure she's ready, especially since she has no grandma budget yet. What grandma really has a budget anyways?

By the way, Andrew was thought to be Maria Grace for a full month until the last ultrasound. That's when the nurse admitted to a boo-boo when spotting Andrew's family jewels. I just know that my Grandma is just laughing from heaven about the boo-boo as she knew it before us!

Pregnant ladies really have a lot of say in life. If she wants to eat this, then we all go there. If she needs a nap or rest, then she does it. Nobody thinks twice if a pregnant lady has something to say or wants something. We just go with the flow. That is pretty much a given and Rachel has the right (she is so reasonable!)! It does take a lot of BTUs to bake in that oven (the womb!)!

I know what some of you are thinking. "Oh, she's talking her way into having a kid." No, in fact, I was pretty much scarred from wanting to have one when I ran my first EMS call. Really, enjoying and watching others go through a pregnancy is fulfilling enough of that call of nature!

D.B. & Angel (and then some!)

2006-11-13T16:43:00.000-05:00

D.B. & Angel

Awww

adorable

All 3!

Handheld!

So ugly, yet so cute.

The one on the left is the one that died.

Angel- the last one we will keep.

Sleepy head

so colorful against a bland carpet (BeBe)

Babysitter

You're not Rodney!

Snuggle buddies

They like to spoon!

cuddling with binky #2

flapper!

D.B. stands for dutch blue

a couple of days before she died

cutie pie

D.B. is our nickname since he is sold already

Siblings

This is an awesome picture

cuddling on Daddy!

Evee on Daddy's collar... note the fluff hanging over

Evee is so mellow

Evee in BeBe's cage (sneaky like a ninja)

before we pulled them from the nestbox

proud parents

smoochers

Dewey & SierraIf you can't tell, we love our birds!

Loss

2006-11-09T12:49:00.000-05:00

Today is a sad day. Today is the first time that we have lost one of our birds.

The youngest of our three new babies passed away today.

She couldn't be saved. At first, I blamed myself. I took care of her yesterday. Had I overfed her? She was sluggish starting about 6pm last night. She didn't want to eat. She was usually the most hyper of all three of them. What was wrong?

I held her in my hand. Put her on my chest. Felt her warmth. Touched her little feet.

Now, she's gone. I didn't think I would get so attached to these babies. After all, she was to be sold to a wonderful family. Even still, I loved her. She was one of my charges. One of my babies.

It wasn't my fault though. Her liver was very swollen; it was a birth defect. She had thrown up yesterday and overnight. Those were the last stages/hours of her life. I think she knew that we loved her. She recognized us and wanted us to hold her.

These things just happen.

God created us to love others, to love dearly. That's what makes us like Him; that we could care even for the smallest of creatures created by His own hand.

Now, her little body can be used to help other babies in the future, so that they may be saved.

I did cry. And, no, it's not stupid to cry over a bird. My heart is tender. Crying helps me to deal with the pain and get it out. But, she's not hurting anymore.

Comfortingly to me, I know she is held in God's own hand. Forever to be warm and loved.

Grateful (Poem)

2006-10-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

How can we thank Him?
Our Provider, Jehovah Jirah
We are mended and restored
His splendor is greater than we can know
How can we thank Him??
Our thankfulness can’t match His faithfulness
We are forgiven
He is the Great I AM
How can we thank Him???
Everyday is a new day!
We are daily dependant on Him
He made us in His image
His love is unfathomable
We pour out praise according to His abundance
For which, we are eternally grateful!

© TRM 2006

Frustration (Loving my Enemies)

2006-10-19T14:36:00.000-05:00

I prayed for you
even when all I wanted to do was curse you
I begged for forgiveness from my God
after feeling hatred against you
I prayed for my father
one of the most Godly men I know
I prayed for you
after you snubbed his loyalty
I prayed for myself
when I questioned God about His will in all of this
I prayed for my father
who, despite everything, was the better man
I prayed for you
when I cast Satan out from the deeds done
I desperately pleaded to my Lord
as I wept in grief uncontrollably
I thanked my God
for the strength of character I see in my Dad
I prayed for you
even as my tender heart broke
I repented with Him
for all the things I felt and said about you
I prayed for my father
knowing that his future will be brighter
I prayed for you
wondering why you did what you did
I asked the great Healer
to mend and bind my wounds
I pleaded for my Dad
for the Lord's guidance, blessings, and comfort in his life
I prayed for you
asking the Lord to teach me to love you anyways.

by Tamara Money
© TRM 2006

referencing this
~see the GSK drama

A Tribute to My Grandma

2006-10-09T20:31:00.000-05:00

April 17, 1927 - September 28, 2006

Who would've thought that she would eventually be gone from us? I always thought she'd be around forever. It was Grandma; she had been to every major and almost every minor event of my entire 24 years of life. How could she be gone? Why? Why did she suffer?

You must know by now that she died from ALS. It is a terrible disease. It is like being in prison inside your body. We all knew that she would die from this. We didn't know how bad it would get. Yet, still, her passing was a shock. She did die peacefully in her sleep. She just stopped breathing. One minute she was here, the next gone. Thank God she died peacefully.

The last few months have been really hard on us as a family. She stayed with my parents for a little over three months starting in June. It was a dramatic change from when she first came to when she left us. At first, it was a lot of phlem. She would struggle to breathe. In August, the doctor gave her two months. My Grandmother passed away on September 28, 2006. Just about a month and a half after the doctor gave her the final timing.

I spent a lot of time helping her. Tim, my youngest brother, and my Dad spent the most time caring for her. There were, however, some things they couldn't do for her. My husband told me that the times I cared for her would never be something I would regret. It is true. I will always remember the time I got the priveledge of bathing her. The times I helped dress her and feed her through her feeding tube. Watching soap operas with her in the afternoon. She never failed to remember when her soap operas came on. I guess that is expected as ALS doesn't affect the brain, just the bodily functions.

Some of her best days happened when a wonderful lady from the church, Sharon, came over and spent time with her. Those days were encouraging. Yet still, I longed to be free to be able to help more.

But now she's gone. My favorite description of where she has gone has to be from my baby cousin John, 8. My Aunt was trying to explain to him where "Oma" had gone. She reminded him of their old dog Buff. She told him that Buff had gone to heaven and could run and play again. That's when John said, "Oh, so Oma's in heaven running and playing with Buff!"

Thankfully, Grandma is not suffering anymore. We had her sign a book for my brother's little girl before she left for Atlanta for the last time. She wrote in it: "I am locked up for something I did not do. I do not know you but will always love you. Will you like Thomas? If you ever get in prison like Oma, jump out!" This is such a reflection of her struggle through this disease.

At her funeral in Atlanta, my brother said some of the most wonderful things about her. It is truly important to remember the good times and the memories we made together. She made a difference in her life, even if it was to show us how much she loved us and did whatever she could to take care of us.

I will always remember: visiting Grandpa at the cemetary, feeding the ducks, bike riding together, walking Poopsi, swimming in her backyard, Easter Egg hunts, darts, killing bugs, catching lightning bugs, raking her yard, everything tasting like Grandmas house, freebies, sour milk, icecream, Toys 'R' Us, walking around the mall for just walking, praying together, her tucking me in, cooking for us even when we weren't hungry, coming on holidays, awesome presents, $5 dollars every minor holiday, her barely readable handwriting, and many, many, more.

I thank God for giving me this woman of significance in my life. I thank Him for the time I had with her. I thank him for the Grandma whom I will always remember and think on. I know she is watching over me and singing the "Amen" song.

I love and miss you.

In dedication to her and to the future Maria Grace who is named after her.

Live...Laugh...Love

2006-09-28T22:28:00.000-05:00

Live

In peace and joy

Encouraging one another

For Him, though Him

Laugh

Together

To lift spirits

At the devil

Love

Each other

Strengthens bonds

To show the world Christ.

© TRM 2006

Evee: 4 weeks, 6 days old!

2006-09-20T14:04:00.001-05:00

I'm a real bird now... well, almost anyways!

Sup?

What's that flashing me?

Already perching!

tubby, little baby

annoyed.... maybe?

She's so vain

way close up

tired of pictures (literally)

belly shot

such pretty tummy feathers

chillin in her favorite spot (mommy's hand)

I'm pretty!

Standing tall!

interesting secretary at the church office

here I come

hey!!??

ADHD... totally.

climbing out!

woke her up from a nap!

cute back shot

groggy

smiling for the camera

sugar kisses

pretty wing!

show off!

More Baby Pictures...

2006-09-11T12:56:00.000-05:00

We love these birds!

You're too old for Baby food!

loving her binky

Evee looks so different from this picture now.

She's got feathers now!

Sitting up by herself!

So ugly, she's cute!

Thumbs up to Evee

Feed me!

2 and 1/2 weeks

preening her binky

comfy pillow

propped up

sleepy head

growing fast

Siblings!

What's in there?

Both of us can get love from Daddy!

Guest Blog: Rodney's Story

2006-09-05T17:45:00.000-05:00

George: My Beloved Orange-winged Amazon
By Rodney Money
August 22, 2006

I debated for a while to write this because of how very personal the subject matter. I pray that the context is appropriate and that people will find the time to read it because you never know who might have the answer or connections that I am searching for in my time of need. In this message, I wanted to first tell my story of my passion for birds, and then I need to ask for a plea of help. I know there is someone out there who knows the answer to my dilemma; I just hope they are reading this.

Many people are bitten by the “bird bug” for a number of reasons: companionship, pet ownership, breeding, showing, or even to make a profit, but my reasons go deeper than that. Birds are a personal connection between me and my mother who passed away from cancer when I was only ten years old. One of my earliest memories was my mother handing me bread, cereal, and bird seed and asking me to place the treats for the song/wild birds in the backyard. With anticipation, I rolled the bread between my fingers spreading the food evenly in the grass, next the seed, and lastly the cereal. Then without hesitation, I would rush into my room, peek out the blinds of my window, and stare in awe at the hundreds of song birds that would flock to our yard. This went on for years until my mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor and passed away peacefully at home in 1988.

Two years went by, and then my friend Neal and I were in a pet store called Pet and Hobby Shoppe located in Old Town, near Winston-Salem. While Neal was looking at the reptiles, my eye caught a room located in the back where an unhappy soul lived. Inside the room was a cage with the scruffiest looking bird I had ever seen. His tag said “My name is George, Orange-winged Amazon: $300.” I knew he was a wild-caught by the open band on his foot. I will not ever forget the look in his eyes; they resonated with fear, revenge, and the look of someone without hope because they have just been taken and stripped away from their home. I also remember his wonderful, fresh smell. His fragrance smelled just like dried daisies. George reminded me of the wild birds my mom and I use to feed, but he was not free anymore. My heart melted at his pain. We both lost something that was dear to us; my mom and his home. I knew that if I could just bring him home, then we both could be there for each other’s time of need and both of us could learn how to love again.

It was Christmas time and my dad asked me what I wanted and I told him, “A parrot for $300 I saw in the pet store!” He said he wasn’t paying that much for a bird, but he secretly went to Pet and Hobby Shoppe and purchased George for me later that month. During our family’s Christmas gathering, my dad brought out George in his cage to present him to me. I was never happier. I opened his cage and said, “Come out baby, I won’t hurt you.” He stepped on my hand, but as soon as I brought him out of the safety of his cage, he flew right into the trash can. I gently picked him up, placed him back into his cage, turned to my dad and said, “I love Him!”

Several weeks went by, and it seemed that George was becoming more tolerant of my offer of friendship. He would step-up, but his personality always remained vacant. I was also always worried about his health. His beak never looked good, his feathers were very ratty, and he did not ever seem to want to play with his toys or chew wood. I changed his seed diet to Nutriberries, fruits, vegetables, Crazy Corn, and the occasional chicken leg; in true Amazon gusto, he ate everything I offered. Within the next few weeks, George began playing with his toys and splashing in his water dish. He would stay on my hand for longer periods, take showers with me, but he was always very quiet; almost too quiet.

One night after supper, I noticed a red-orange substance in the cracks and crevices of his beak. We called an avian vet, and she informed us that his beak was infected and he needed to come in that night. So, my dad took George to North Wilkesboro, and he was there for two days being tested and treated for everything possible. When my family took me to go see him, I had to wait patiently for him in the vet’s office. They brought out George and when he saw me, he yelled for glee and started biting at his cage door to get to me. When I took him out, he immediately nuzzled his head beneath my chin and I held him close to my chest. This was not only the very first vocalization I had ever heard from him, but it was also the very first time he let me touch his feathers. He was telling me that he was happy to see me and he wanted to go home.

After the visit to the veterinarian, life for George and I was great. When he went through his first molt with me, all those ratty feathers were replaced by the most iridescent, rich, emerald green this planet had ever seen. Every time I brought him to see Nick and Sandy Morganelli of Luv-N-Birds in Winston-Salem, Nick would comment how great my Amazon looked. That meant the world to me, because Nick and Sandy are well respected in the bird community and I knew they would not just give out complements to any bird. Since they are from New York, they tell it like it is. George would go everywhere with me and my family. He attended both my middle and high school, went on family vacations, and across the United States on business trips when I worked with my dad during the summer months. George even got to go to church a few times to visit the kids in Children’s Church. George never learned to talk, but he flew to me on command, would lay on his back to play dead, was potty trained to go in the toilet four times a day with my assistance, and was one of the tamest and most trustworthy animals I have ever met. I not only took him to nursing homes, but he would even let a small child pick him up from his cage and then motioned to be petted.

Speaking of cages, even though he received a new cage with lots of toys and a very large playground, he was never caged up. He had full access to the house; even a spot at the dinner table. I would also let him play outside in the apple, crabapple, and pine trees in the yard. He was quite fond of the grape vines and finding seeds in the grass. Our house in the country was nestled in the view of the mountains of both Stokes and Surry Counties. I believe the sight of Hanging Rock, Saura Town, and Pilot Mountain at the same time reminded him of the wild; and it delighted his soul.

These were great and happy times for both George and I. We both filled the emptiness in our hearts with what we were searching for. Nobody told me that an Amazon was not a good choice for a twelve-year old boy, nobody told me that I was supposed to get a baby bird instead of an adult, nobody told me that male Amazons (George was DNA sexed) go through aggressive, hormonal periods during the breeding season (which he never did), and nobody told me that a wild-caught Amazon wasn’t supposed to act like a hand-fed, baby cockatoo; you know what, I’m glad they never did.

I had George for close to a decade, but unfortunately time was now our greatest enemy. I was accepted to the Mary Cannon-Hayes School of Music at Appalachian State University. I knew that I would be there for at least five years because I knew there was a chance that I may want to major in both music composition and music education to receive my teacher’s certificate. Unfortunately, ASU requires all freshmen to live in a dorm; and there was an absolutely no animal policy on campus.

I put off college at ASU for three years after high school, and I knew that I could no longer wait. What was I going to do with George for the next five years while I was away in Boone? My family was certainly not going to be able to keep him like he was accustomed to. With the help of my dad, we tried everything. I purchased a camper that we newly renovated and turned it into a large outdoor flight aviary, but he was now outside all the time and away from his family. I got a beautiful, loving, handfed Quaker named Sydney from Luv-N-Birds to keep him company, but my Amazon was still missing his human companionship. My gracious sister volunteered to attempt to keep them, but when I visited George and Sydney on holidays, I was horrified with the sanitary conditions that she was letting them live in. My dad was in the right for making me wait an entire year to decide to keep my birds or find them another home. My dad wanted me to wait it out so I could have them after college, but I was so worried that their joy would be tarnished forever. With sadness in my heart, a voice in my head was saying, “If you truly love something, set it free.” I decided it was time.

At that moment, the hole in my heart that George filled ripped open. I placed George and Sydney in their pet carrier, and then my dad drove me to Luv-N-Birds so Nick could find them a new home. I gave them to Nick, too heart broken and afraid my words would turn into tears, and I simply left the store not even saying goodbye. My dad explained the entire situation to Nick. The silence was deafening on the ride home. As I looked out the window, I saw the birds in their trees living happily and free. I wished that George was back in South America; that’s where he was born, and that is where he should have lived out his entire life. The pain I felt was guilt. If only I took the time to say goodbye, maybe the pain in my heart could have been resolved. However, I was too worried about showing my emotions in front of my dad, Nick, his employees, and all the customers. I felt as though I would never be worthy of another bird’s love again. When I got home I looked at the trees that George used to played in, and I made this promise to him, “Since you helped me in my time of need, and taught me how to love again, I promise to make a difference in the lives of animals in their time of need from now on.”

In college, one year had come, and one year had passed; I avoided all animal contact scared to fall in love or even get close again forsaking my promise. At the beginning of my sophomore year, the most life changing experience happened; I met my future wife Tamara. We started dating November 11, 2000. By December, her family had invited me over to spend the holidays with them. When Tamara was showing me her room, a familiar fragrance touched my nose. She had dried daisies in an open jar that she had collected. Tamara told me that daisies were her favorite childhood flower. They were my favorite childhood fragrance also, but my smell did not come from a flower but from a friend. That’s when I told her of George. Then we went in the family room where I had the pleasure of meeting her two dogs: Benji and Sophie. Benji was a German Shepard/Rottweiler mix who was very old and stricken with arthritis, and Sophie was a Jack Russell/Rat Terrier mix who was much younger and in her prime. Sophie immediately jumped in my lap and lavished me with her kisses. Later that night she even slept with me on the couch. Tamara said this was a very unusual behavior, because Sophie normally hates strangers and has been known to even bite them. Benji even saw me as part of the family, telling me when he needed to go out and sleeping beside the couch on the floor whenever I visited. Tamara’s family called the dogs “Traitors” when I came over, but I just simply called it “Love”.

Benji soon passed away. The family was extremely heart-brokened and mourned their beloved family member. Even Sophie was having extreme anxiety problems, so the family decided to get her a playmate. Tamara found a wonderful dog at the Watauga Humane Society in Boone named Peanut. He was a Jack Russell/Rat Terrier mix just like Sophie. So, Tamara adopted Peanut to be Sophie’s companion. The only problem was that it was exam week at ASU. Music majors, like me, had already taken their exams, but Tamara and the rest of campus had not. Then after exams, we were all to move out of the dorms. Tamara’s family was not coming for a week, and the Humane Society could not hold Peanut for that length of time. Since Tamara could not keep him, I had no choice but to take care of him for that last week. This meant for the first time in about three years, I would be one on one with an animal. Believe it or not, I was extremely nervous.

I dedicated that whole week for just one cause: to please Peanut. I knew dogs like to do four things: eat, sleep, play, and poop; so, that is exactly what we did the entire week. But the most interesting thing happened while I was keeping to these four main activities: we were bonding. By the time Saturday came along, we were great friends. I had to meet Tamara’s dad and brother, Thomas, to help clean out Thomas’ dorm and give them Peanut. When the van was packed, and they were ready to leave, Tamara’s dad said, “Ok Peanut, let’s go.” I heard a whimper come from Peanut as he left my arms. At first I thought, “Oh great, I got close to another animal again, and now I lost him”, but then I knew it was ok because I would see Peanut for many years to come anytime I wanted. Now, I visit Peanut and Sophie every week, and Peanut still seems like my dog, my friend. He gets so excited and jumps in the air only as a Jacky could, but I know it’s his way of telling me he loves me.

After that wonderful experience with Peanut, I decided it was my time to live up to the promise I made to George. It was time to make a difference in the lives of animals. When school started back that fall, I started working for the same shelter that Peanut came from: The Watauga Humane Society. I absolutely fell in love with all the cats and dogs there. I noticed that only certain animals like puppies, kittens, and the very sociable animals were getting adopted. It was very hard for a quiet, scared animal to be noticed by the public. So this was my mission: to socialize the timid, scared, and problem animals so that they may strive in a home environment with a loving family that they may call their own.

Luckily, my great friend and roommate, Dan, had a passion for animals also, because our apartment complex did not allow animals. For everyday that we got caught, they would have charged us $250. We would have owed them close to $70,000! The animals were worth it though, and I brought home animal after animal, socializing them and getting them used to a home environment. As soon as I got close to an animal, they would get adopted; but this was a good thing. Some of the dogs and cats were shy, scared, needed to learn basic commands such as potty training, or simply just over looked because of their age, but with the help of Tamara and Dan, we found them all great and wonderful homes. Tamara loves photography, and she documented every dog and cat that came home with Dan and me. I am so grateful she did. Tamara also helped in hand feeding two young husky puppies who were abandoned by their mother. Without the help of great friends like Dan and Tamara, I could not have fulfilled my promise to George for those two years.

One day at the Humane Society, we received a phone call from Animal Control asking if we would take in a parrot they received. Genesis Wildlife found the bird in the woods, but they did not want to deal with it because it would bite everyone. Animal Control was calling because the bird bit them also and they were all afraid of him. Lynn, my manager, asked me what I thought we should do. She said that Animal Control described the parrot as grey with a red tail; I got excited. I told her it would be absolutely no problem if we take him in. I affectionately named the grey Alex.

Alex came in a pet carrier. With a smile on my face, I opened the door with confidence and spoke in a calm voice, “Come out baby, I won’t hurt you.” Then, while using the “Up!” command, Alex stepped gently on my hand without hesitation. This was the first time since George that I held a large parrot; it felt just like home. I went to the local pet shop spending my week’s salary outfitting his very large cage that the Humane Society provided. During the next two weeks we had Alex, I taught him how to fly on command and to lie on his back to play dead. He enjoyed tearing up the pencils and papers on our desk, and he also enjoyed a game of fetch with the paper clips. But when he got too close to the computer, I had to intercept him from his devious plan. At night, when work and school would come to an end, I would come back to the Humane Society to preen his head and put him to sleep. I did not want him to feel that he was alone; I knew the sensitive nature of African Greys. He was very cuddly and loving at night. It was hard to leave him, but I knew that he needed his sleep so he would not be cranky the next day.

I researched his closed band, and it led me to a pet store and breeder in Virginia. I contacted the owner of the pet store and she gave me the contact information for the rightful owner of Alex. When the owner came in, I knew she owned Alex because she said the same “colorful” words that Alex had been reciting. I was glad to be there for the grey, but he was also there for me. It was a wonderful feeling to hold a parrot again and receive affection back from him. I thought I would not ever get another chance, but just a week later a yellow-collared macaw came in. “Here we go again!” This was a huge step for me to get back into the world of parrots, and I got my enthusiasm and joy back. At the Watauga Humane Society, every one of those souls is precious to me; and I will never forget them and what they taught me about compassion, love, and hope.

I knew two things for sure in my future: I was going to marry Tamara and that parrots would be in our lives. Now, I had to get her used to handling parrots. I was visiting Tam in Raleigh and the Raleigh/Durham Caged Bird Society (RDCBS) was having their yearly bird fair. The experience was wonderful. It had been years since I had seen so many different species of birds. Tamara’s very first bird that she ever held was a female Redsided Eclectus from Jack’s Aviary. Then, we went over to the pet display. Tam held everything she could while I just watched in amazement. While I could not even get up the nerve to ask one of the owners if could I hold their bird, Tamara was winning the heart of a Scarlet Macaw! Then without warning, a beautiful green bird caught my eye; it was a baby Orange-winged Amazon. I stepped back for a moment just about to leave, but then I got up the nerve to ask the lady if I could please hold her baby. She enthusiastically said yes. When she handed me the baby Amazon, my heart welted up with pure emotion. This could have been George’s baby for all I knew. While I held the baby close to my chest, I told him that even though he was not mine, I still loved him. After Tamara took some pictures with her ever faithful camera, I told the owner holding the Orange-wing meant more to me than she would ever know. This was an experience that Tamara and I would never forget.

Over the months of our engagement, I took my fiancé to a bird store I discovered in the pages of Bird Talk Magazine; it was the Birdie Boutique in Durham owned by Dr. Burkett. While a baby Maximillian Pionus was fussing at me because she did not want to go back to her cage, Tamara surprised me by coming into the room with a Yellow-naped Amazon on her hand! (Interesting fact: while attending a RDCBS meeting two years later, we discovered that the beautiful and gentle Amazon was adopted and now owned by Trish Koontz). I asked Tamara, “How did you get him out of his cage?” She simply said, “Oh, I just reached in and said ‘Up!’” I was never prouder. I knew then that she conquered her fear, or unfamiliarity, of parrots. Now, she was ready to call a parrot her very own.

Tamara and I have a very dear friend by the name of Ross Anderson. About once every two months, Ross hosts a game night social for the church’s college campus group at his house. The very first time Tamara and I went, we did not expect a life changing experience. We were greeted by Ross and his father who had a very outgoing, beautiful Dutch Blue Peachfaced Lovebird named G.B. which stands for “Green Bird.” We also met G.B.’s parents: Dewey, a Dutch Blue Pied Peachfaced Lovebird, and the very lovely Sierra, a Creamino Peachfaced Lovebird. G.B. spent the whole evening with Tam and I playing and exploring our clothes. He was very fun and we felt honored that he chose to spend his time with us. As the evening turned to night and it was time to say goodbye to our hosts, I curiously peaked in the nest box when nobody was looking, and saw 4 eggs that looked as white as porcelain. I knew those eggs were special, but I could not have possibly imagined how much one of those little jewels was about to change my life forever.

June 25, 2005 was the day of our wedding. During the reception, with a smile on their faces, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson told us that they have a very special wedding gift, but he was still in an egg. We both were very excited, but I was worried that my heart was not yet ready or worthy of a parrot to call my own again. We got the phone call around three months later that the baby was ready. On the ride there, I was very nervous; this would be the first bird I have owned in close to seven years! I turned to Tamara to ask her, “What should we name him?” Without hesitation, she said, “BeBe!” I never imagined myself as a “Lovebird Person”, but as soon as I saw BeBe, I knew he was our baby. BeBe looked just like a baby Amazon Parrot who never quite grew up. He sat on the bottom of his cage looking like a child at day care waiting for Mommy and Daddy to pick him up, and here we were. While Mr. Anderson gently placed his hand under BeBe’s feet, my heart filled with compassion. He placed him in my hand and immediately BeBe lowered his head asking me to preen him. I almost cried, but my joy overrode my tears.

Mr. Anderson then told us the story of how BeBe actually had died because he got very cold one night. His fragile body literally shut down as the light left his eyes, his organs stopped pumping, and his excrements were as black as death. However, there is a force much stronger than the shackles of death, and that is love. With BeBe’s determination to live and Mr. Anderson lovingly nursing him back to health, death was forced to release its hold on his life. I knew that Mr. Anderson spent so much time and effort on this little miracle, so I asked him, “Are you sure that you want to give him to us?” He assured us by saying, “He was always yours; even when he was just an egg. He’s our wedding present to you and Tamara. ” Those were the words that sealed our contract and friendship. I handed BeBe to his new Mommy, and she held him in her coat all the way home. While his little head was gently falling asleep on her chest, BeBe was serenaded by the music of her heart beating just for him. While I drove, I knew Tamara and I were no longer a couple, but a family.

Recently, the Andersons have been talking about finding BeBe’s parents Dewey and Sierra a new home, and in fact for some time now. Tam and I debated the pros and cons during the summer of 2006. Could we care for more birds, did we want to become breeders, and did we have enough space and the time? All of the answers pointed to yes. So, on Tam’s birthday, August 4, we decided it was time to expand our flock. As soon as we got home with our new additions, we let them out of their cage to fly around and stretch out their wings. While they were exploring their new home, they both landed on our heads and shoulders showing no fear what so ever. BeBe was very excited to have company as he called out to them expressing his welcome.

Dewey and Sierra came with four eggs, and on August 17, at around 10:30 pm, the most amazing thing happened: our very first baby was born! Now we were official bird breeders. I was so excited that I had insomnia the entire night. The next day, Tamara opened the nest box and held her new baby for the first time. It was so tiny, so precious, and such a gift from God. Dewey and Sierra are such great parents: the baby stays warm, cuddled, and is always well fed. Sierra never attacks during nest inspections either. She simply moves to her cage waiting patiently for her cue to return. Then, we always leave them a treat for letting us peak into their world. I hope soon that we will be able to afford what they truly deserve: a beautiful aviary so they may fly, stretch their muscles, and not feel restricted. They have been in a worn out, rusty, old black cage for the past five years now. It served them well in the past, but personally, I believe they deserve more.

Dewey and Sierra are such a blessing for Tam and I. We could not ask for a more well tempered, personality plus, beautiful pair. For example, Dewey loves to come out and play with BeBe and me every time we change their food, papers, or when we give them new material to build their nest. Dewey enjoys hanging out on my hand, or he will fly over to visit BeBe on his playgrounds. “Now I know where BeBe gets his crazy, overly sociable personality.” While Dewey is exercising, Sierra cuddles and keeps their baby warm in the nest box. Tamara and Sierra have a beautiful understanding towards one another: Sierra is “Momma”, while Tamara is “Mommy.” Both of them work together to make sure the baby, and future babies, grow up strong, healthy, and spoiled rotten. The future is very exciting, and it’s funny how life works. One day you have only one bird, and then two weeks later, you have four; “Wait, do I hear new peeping from the nest box?” “Man… I hope so!”

Even though Tamara has never known George personally, she knows what it’s like not able to say goodbye to a friend. Benji died while she was away at college and the rest of her family was either at work or school also. The only one to comfort him in the end was Sophie; his ever fateful and loving companion. Benji is now buried in her parent’s back yard where he loved to play. He is gone, but impossible to ever be forgotten. To this day, the memories of him chasing cats, chewing up the couch, or sitting right on top of Sophie when he had tired of her puppy games never ceases to put a smile on the face of the people who knew and loved him.

Seeing all the beautiful Amazons at the last RDCBS meeting brought back wonderful memories, and I know that George would have fit right in. Tamara even asked me if there was an Orange-wing. I told her, “Unfortunately no, but look at the Mealy! That’s the nominate form of the species that I held during our visit to Honduras.” (I had the pleasure of holding A.F. Virenticeps; a parrot rarely seen in United States aviculture). A professional picture of George is hanging in our hallway, but my baby should be living in our living room. If there is anyone who knows any information, I beg that your voice will reach my ears. I would love to have him back. If he is happy and making beautiful babies like himself, then I would love to adopt one of his children to honor his legacy. If neither of those options is possible, then I humbly ask just to say goodbye to one of the best friends I ever had. Nick could not remember who he sold him to, and my dad thinks that maybe a lady in Old Town might have him. Sydney is living happily with a boy and his family in the Winston-Salem area. George has a wild-caught open band around his right foot. There are two main color variations in Amazona Amazonica: predominately yellow on the crown and forehead or predominately blue with a light yellow highlighting the center of the forehead and crown. George has the variation with more blue.

That is all the information I know. I never tell anybody, “You look like you just lost your best friend,” because I know exactly what that feels like. I would never wish that upon anybody. All I simply ask for is any information that will give me that chance to say goodbye to a parrot that became my closest childhood friend. He not only was my true companion, but most importantly, he taught me how to love again.

Life Update

2006-09-04T15:56:00.000-05:00

A lot has been going on!!! I don't think I've put a life update on here in quite some time. Here goes....

Life continues to be interesting. I have to be honest, the inner peace I have about everything sometimes is just amazing. It doesn't matter what's going on, I still am content where I am.

Firstly, my brother got married! If you want to see pictures they are here. It is pretty cool having a sister by marriage now. Rachel is probably the best person I could have asked for to fill those shoes. Speaking of which, they just bought a house. Now, Thomas just needs a job. They are currently up in the Boone area for this semester and then moving back near home in Durham.

Rodney and I are just loving and living life. We are trying to get him a permanent position with WCPSS. He's got a lead and is just waiting the news of whether or not he got the position at an elementary school in the area. I'm speaking positively about this one. We decided to add yet another egg in another basket in our finances by starting an aviary. We are delightfully calling it "True Love Aviaries." Now all I need to do is not get attached to every lovebird that is hatched as I am to the only one who hatched in our first clutch. The next clutches should be better now that we have full control over the parents' diets.

The common question many people have is, "Have you decided about medical school yet?" Well, no, I haven't. Speaking of which, I need to send off that $100 deposit to hold my spot! If I do decide to start, it will be in the fall of next year, 2007. So what am I doing now? Well, I am still at Durham Tech, but doing all my work over in the ESL office, and thank God I am out of AHS/GED/ABE. Don't even get me started about the excuses made to me why I wouldn't continue on teaching the lab. They didn't even do what they said they were going to do. But, that's okay, because you know what, they're missing out and I have a much happier position now, working with students who actually want to be there. What's funny is how mad it made some of the teachers over there (no names, they know who they are) when they found out I wouldn't be there any more!

Ok.... so yay for my awesome bosses in the ESL department!

Moving on....
I still don't want kids. Yeah, sorry to disappoint the many efforts of many people who have had babies recently and those who think that I will change my mind. In fact, I am loving taking care of our current baby lovebird so much, that is definitely what I would rather do than raise human babies! Speaking of lovebirds, BeBe is currently trying to attack my keyboard. I do love working with the human babies in the nursery on Sunday mornings and holding newborns, but it is great to just give them back. Besides, I have always told my Mom this news and that Thomas would have grandkids for her!! LOL.

Grandma is continuing her ALS battle. She will die from this and probably sooner rather than later. She was living in my parents house for about 3 and a half months. The last month or so I have been helping out a lot taking care of her. I will never regret spending time with her no matter how hard at times it was to take care of her. I still can't believe that she not only made it to Thomas' wedding but also to his reception! ALS is so hard to watch a person go through. Many times, she would ask me why she has to suffer and what she did to deserve this. It literally is like living in a prison in your body. Your mind is still totally intact, but the body just shuts down. The hardest day I had was when the Hospice nurse, Toni, had a serious talk with her about families supporting her in her decisions about her wishes. Grandma turned to me and asked me if I supported her, and I just totally lost it. I had to leave the room. Hospice was a great help though. I always enjoyed it when Toni came over. Grandma had some of her most "happy" days when Sharon was sitting with her during the day. I am actually thinking about compiling a book to help those who are dealing with a family member with ALS with our experiences. She is now in Atlanta with my Aunt. When she left, that was probably the last time I will ever see her alive again.

The Glaxo SmithKline drama continues. It is almost for sure that my Dad won't have a job there after this month. They have been leading him on for way too long! The problem I have with this is the pack of lies his boss, Tim, is making up. Some junk about his compounds being sloppy and impure. Amazingly enough, when my Dad checked with the purification department there was nothing wrong with his compounds. I just think his silly-little, overcompensating-for-something boss needs to grow up and admit he's wrong and get his butt outta of there! But, no, he has made up his mind and his type-A personality just won't change. The whole corporate america "50 and fired" infuriates me, but don't get me started on that one either. Companies just don't know how to take care of their long-time, loyal employees anymore. I am still holding out that maybe another position in the company will open up or that my Dad will be blessed with something even better and more enjoyable.

Wow, that last paragraph is funny to me. Anyways...

I continue to enjoy the various activities that I do on a daily basis. I really feel like a webmaster when it comes to the Campus and Youth Websites I update and teaching others and fixing things. I also enjoy working out and walking with my husband at night.

I've been in two weddings so far this summer: one of my best friends, Jen's and Thomas'. I am in one in a little under 2 weeks from today of my awesome friend and wedding director, Julie Anna. That weekend is so packed. I am quadruply booked, but Julie's wedding takes priority. Then, I am helping Bridget out on her day in October. Everyone is getting married!!!

I discovered facebook and myspace this past summer and have been enjoying reconnecting with people. It really has helped me keep up with some of the awesome people I met at CBC this year.

Well, these are the main things going on right now. If I think of something else, I will post a comment or new blog. Do keep checking back for new pictures of our birds coming soon!

The Harvest is Coming!

2006-08-29T22:46:00.000-05:00

Don’t quit
You reap what you sow
The harvest is coming
Sow on the good soil
Sow in your actions, words, and thoughts
The harvest is coming
Fertilize through the Word
His blessings will nourish like rain
The harvest is coming
He equips the persistent
People are your crop
The harvest is coming!

by Tamara Money
© TRM 2006

My Brother's Wedding!

2006-08-25T22:57:00.000-05:00

August 19, 2006 --> Enjoy:
Their Arrival
Ann and Jen

My Dad giving a toast

Brent and Me (inside joke!)
Bridesmaids

Brittany and Ashley (Jr. Bridesmaids)

Cutting the cake

Cake smashing! (Someone lost a bet at our own wedding when we didn't smash it!)

Lovely!

Already taking care of him!

New sister!

The Guys (Dan, Brent, Michael, Rodney, Eric, Sammy)

First Dance

So in love!

Good friends

Dan Giving a toast

All in the Family

Groomsmen
Celebrating!

Mom, Me and Aunt Marianne

Mother and Son

Me and Laura

Michael and Me

Tossing the Bouquet

Ashley(caught the garter) and Rachel

Go get you some!

Under the gown!

we know where that's been!

Shooting the garter!

Michael(caught the garter) and Thomas

Lovers!

Lovers!

Lovers!

Lover Squirrels!

Father & Daughter

Grandma and Me (praise the Lord she made it to the reception)

Me and Jen

Me and Sarah

Me and Tim

Me and Thomas

Tim and bouquet

Special Appearance: The Village People!

Wedding Cake

Leaving!

Goodbye!

Awesomely cute pic. totally me.

Hope you enjoyed them! I sure enjoyed the day!